How do I know if my teen daughter is doing drugs or having sex?

I want to know if she is having sex or doing drugs. I dont want her to know that I am wondering about this yet. I just need some clues to help me figure it out.

Answer #1

okay, the one below this is what I said, srry, I messed up v v v v

Answer #2

well my mom worries all the time about me and she does have a right,I would just maybe set a time limit for when she has to come home if your desperate,and maybe check her room but I would trust her first.maybe if you ask her she’ll open up or something

Answer #3

Ummm… You should spy on her or ask one of her bestest friends to tell the truth.

Answer #4

hey juniperone, kids deserve privacy too

Answer #5

lmao.!!!. :D

Answer #6

be honest with her and she may come clean:)

Answer #7

You gotta let her go sooner or later.

Answer #8

I think you can snoop, just NOT in her diary because thry’re like the only way girls get out their feelings. So just talk to her and tell her she’s not in trouble but if she needs help with something like a problematic boyfriend, you can help.

Answer #9

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Answer #10

Just go striaght forward and ask her if she doesnt tell you just take her tot he docters and u’ll find out much easlry

Answer #11

Noticable signs are out there… Does she sleep in late, seem pale, mood swings, goes through money fast.- for drugs.

Sex, I cant really help you on that one

Answer #12

Open up and tell her about ur past … it will make her feel more comfortable…

Answer #13

Trust her, there is nothing wrong with being a protective mother. But you have to trust your daughter if you expect her to trust YOU. Of course, if you dont care about that then by all means read her diary, follow her around, and look on the internet for ways to tell if she’s having sex. She will hate you for it though.

Answer #14

The people saying it is not any of your business are probably kids about your daughter’s age. It is absolutely your business what she is doing at all times while she is a child. Kids think they hit 15 or 16 and they are adults, but the are NOT. It is your responsibility to your child to not let her get pregnant, and not make you a grandparent before your time. You have to have open communication with her. Sit down and talk to her.

Answer #15

if you do decide to talk to her then be careful on how you go about it.

a lot of teens [myself included] dont like to be interrogated with questions as to whats going on.

the only thing she really needs is time. as a teen and not an adult, she will more than likely tell you if its something you NEED to know.

but please, dont nag about the little things. it only makes the situation worse.

Answer #16

if I was your daughter and found out that you were snooping on me I would never talk to you again the best way to find out is to directly talk to her it will be more uncomfortable but it would be worth it in the end she mostly likely wil tell you the truth and if she doesnt the guilt will get to her sooner or later try it it will most likely work out good

Answer #17

why dont you just aassk her

Answer #18

well im a teen myself, and I know my mum would be extremely worried if I wa shaving sex and doing drugs, its in mums nature. to protect their children, im guessing what you need to do is sit her down and talk, or look for signs, like getting mor aggressive, or frustrated easily, or angry, crying at night, dropping of grades at school, how tired she can look theres so many ways.

Answer #19

I know this topic is a year old, but going with lily780, agreed–DO NOTTT READ HER DIARY, SNOOP THROUGH HER THINGS, OR TALK TO OTHER PEOPLE AND THEN CONFRONT HER ABOUT IT. her trust for you will be GONE if it’s not already. take it from someone who knows verrryyy well, my relationship with my mother is near destroyed from her doing that kind of stuff for years in my early-mid teens. what gave you the impression that she was doing these things? or are you just curious? if the latter, LET IT GO, she’s fine.

Answer #20

My cousin said that my aunt found out she was having sex while washing her daughters clothes and looking at her panties… take that where ever you want lol… I always told my mama (who knows Im not a virgin) that if she is wondering whether or not Im having sex just look at my legs. If its winter and my legs are shaved then I probably have been having sex or something like that.. you get the picture? Doing drugs I dont know because I have never done drugs… But yeah I think the easiest way would be to ask her…

Answer #21

Don’t go through her draws and definatly not her diary. I know I’m not a parent, but I am a daughter and would be so mad if my mom EVER read my diary. A diary is something that I keep to write down whats going on with myself and to let out some steam. Nobody tells people everything thats going on, theres at least one thing that you keep completly to yourself, even you, as a mother. My most personal thoughts go into my diary and I would be humiliated if anybody ever read them.

Answer #22

okay coming from a teen. I like it when my mom is open with me. don’t snoop! the last thing you want is for her to want you out of her life. don’t pry either. start an easy conversation with her. the more she talks to you about little things the more likely she’s going to talk to to you about serios stuff. if she talks to you about the usaul, there’s probably no need to worry whether or not she’s telling you about “stuff’’. the average teen, not into that junk.

Answer #23

well let her tell you if she is ahing sex and if she is tell her to use comdoms if she whants to do it and my pearts that I have started to smoke and I buy them in school but it is not there life it is mine and yes I have had sex with my boyfriend and I have not tolled no one that I have had it so let her do what she wants to do and if she has a diary have a look in it to see if she if she is having sex and if she is tell some one like the cops to talk to there our tell there teacher to talk to her and to ask her if she has done it

Answer #24

ever heard of talking to your kids? im 14 and my mom is sooo open with me and I love it! dont spy, akward talks arnt worth her hating you for life.

Answer #25

The one thing I hate about parents is how they think they have all the knowledge in the world about their children.

It’s really not your business, and spying on her will make her not trust you.

Answer #26

if yo want to find out about the drugs part, schedule her a appointment for a physical at a local pri-med and tell her its just an ordinary check up to check her health the stuff oughta show up if she takes a urine test. but the most important thing is to just trust her and just know`that she doesnt do things like that

Answer #27

If she’s having sex her attitude will change..If she’s one to be uncomfortable or edgy in public, that will calm down. She’ll feel more comfortable about herself too..

If she’s doing drugs, she’ll be wearing a lot more perfume, and washing her clothing more often, or taking longer showers. And she’ll be pretty tired, and certain drugs will make her appetite increase to a really noticeable level.

Answer #28

I think it’s better to talk to her

Answer #29

wait a few days and in the mornings check if she looks like crap if she does she is doin drugs.

wait a few days and in the afternoons check if her belly gets a little bigger each day and if so she is having sex.

Answer #30


Answer #31

Do not spy on your daughter Im 15 almost 16 and my mom spied on me and it just pissed me off now I dont talk to her as much as I did. I have smoked pot but I figured out that it was a waste of time and money. Your daughter is probably a smart girl and if she is involved in drugs she is probably just smokin dro. And with the whole sex thing if she is then she is if she isnt thats great I know I still havent and im going to wait till im ready all my friends have but I dont let them pressure me because its my body and my life I want to wait till im with somebody who cares about me. Maybe if you tell her “hey if your ever thinkin about having sex let me know I wont be mad but I want to make sure your safe and I will put you on birth control and get you some condoms” then she will trust you and she will let you know when or if she is and make sure you stress the fact that you wont be mad because I know that when my mom told me that the first time I thought she would kill me if I ever had sex.

I just though a tip from a teen in that situation would help. I know I would listen more if my mom was like that.

Answer #32

just ask her and if not next time she goes to the doctor ask them to do a drug test and stuff like that hope this helps

Answer #33

how old is she

Answer #34

drugs are 1 thing, but if she’s having sex, she’s having sex. deal with it. I’m 14 going on 15 and I’m not a virgin. so, no, I don’t have a problem with the sex thing. but, drugs, that’s serious. confront her if you think she is and if you find anything having to do with drugs call the cops ASAP. seriously. you wouldn’t want your daughter getting sucked into pot because I already have been :-(

Answer #35

hi I’m 13 and I completely disagree even though you are her mother you have no right to go through her things. also if she finds out oh god help you. You should discuss this with her or just back off and fix your paranoia. And if you don’t even trust your own daughter you must not be a good mother or confident in you abilities to raise her.

Answer #36

coming from a teenager- if she wants to tell you- she’ll find a way of letting you know she might drop hints or tell you straight out-

however if she’s showed to sign of wanting to tell yoou what she gets up to then it’s best to leave it otherwise she might think you’re interfering.

hope I helped

Answer #37

you wouldnt have liked it when you were a child so why would she and if you think that she is then talk her GENTLY about condoms etc but dont be too interferring otherwise you could produce an oppisite effect

Answer #38

heres a link to parents guide to marijuana explains how you can talk to your kids about it

Answer #39

This is why I’ll never want to have kids of my own. Nine times out of ten you’ll find me strangling them - especially once they’ve become teenagers.

Best of luck.

Answer #40

okay I’m almost 16. I have a boyfriend that my mom likes to acuse me of being sexual with even though I’m not. don’t just acuse her of doing it I would say sit her down one day and just ask her and tell her the outcomes of them and that if she has unprotected sex she can get AIDS and HIV .

Answer #41

Ask her! Then be ready to be completely honest and prepare to talk about it.

Answer #42

does she look bad and check her room or ask and if she says no take her to the doctor for her body

Answer #43

if you cant prevent the sex make it safe give her condoms

Answer #44

maybe just sit down and have a talk with her.

Answer #45

im 17 my mom has aked me so many times if I am havin sex or not and I answer no everytime. yes I will admit, I am lying. however it is a very hard thing to tell my mom. she pushed the whole wait till you’re married thing since I got my period at 13 the most I can do is pary to god that the condoms never tear…and I am planning on having the conversation with my mom soon however, you do have every right as a parent to wonder about these things and if you and your daughter have a godd and healthly relationship, also an opened one, she should be comepletely honest with you just dont jump donw her throat id you done get the answer you want

Answer #46

coming from a teens perspective usually the kids whose parents do spy on them and look in there things are the ones who dont tell their parents. shes not going to come to oyu if your going to just punish her. and if she does find out your snooping around then she’ll know your suspicious which wont make ehr come forward either. instead of easking her about it ask her what she thinks about using drugs and listen ot what she says without getting mad. its important for kids to be able to share things with their parents without worrying about getiing in trouble. or they’ll never tell oyu.

Answer #47

listen I am an expert at figuring out things like that. I am in recovery myself and I’ve seen it all mood swings , less interest in hobbies or school , different friends are all the first signs. you can bet on that!!

Answer #48

as a teenage girl, I advise you to be careful haw nosy you get. its good to know that shes making good decisions in her life, but you dont want her to think that youd dont trust her either.

Answer #49

Take her to the doctor’s office, ask for a blood and/or urine drug screening. I don’t know how to tell if she’s having s*x.

Answer #50

Spy on her

Answer #51

Depending how old she is, it’s not really any of your business if she’s having sex unless she wants to tell you. Heck, my parents were cosntantly explaining safe sex to me before I was a teen and honestly, they are the last people I’d go to. If she over the legal age she can do what she likes in terms of sex and it’s nothing to do with you. You have no legal say or control over whether she does or doesn’t sleep with a guy (or girl). certainly she’ll realise things have been moved wither you mention it to her or not if you snoop in her room and she’ll trust you less for it. The best thing and onl thing you have a right to do is say she better be practising safe sex if or when that’s the case cause you’ll kill her if she’s contracts a dangerous life threatening STD. Tell her you’d like her do be able to come to you but you realise it’s not your choice and you have no say. ignore all the above if she’s underage and have a safe sex chat. if she’s ignoring the law warn her the guy better be worth it. The other part, the drugs? You’ll notice the smell if she’s smoking a herbal drug. And you’ll notice the behaviour if it’s a a stronger drug in pill form or injected. Again threaten to kill if she contracts any dangerous diseases from injecting. Suprisingly kids appreciate the fact you care even though they get the feeling they’ll be in trouble if they get caught.
Not sure about your laws but ours say if drugs belonging to your child are found on the property and you didn’t call the cops asap when you first became aware you can lose the property and face charges of criminal negligence for not reporting illegal drug use or seeking pyschological assistance such as drug rehab for the child. Sounds harsh again but if it’s legal drugs again none of your business. The law asserts the childs right to independence cause parents would never let go on their own.

Answer #52

I got pregnant at 15 and boy was that hard ! I remember my mother not allowing me to do things, such as going to the movies or going to a friends house across the street .But she had NO problem with my then bf coming over . I guess she thought she could control the situation. That didnt stop me. She treated me like I was a burden and never showed love,my then bf showed me the attention i so desired, and of course , i did everything he wanted to keep recieving it. Sex was then that was cool to the kids in my school,they didnt talk about the repurcussions.So i didnt see anything wrong,till i ended up pregnant. It was VERY hard. He was never hardly around and when he was he was cruel and violent,but my mom hated him so it made me want him more. Finally i woke up and dumped him after my daughter was about 3 months. THen my mom tried to become a role model telling me what to do and how to do and if i didnt she took the initiative to do it ,only caused more problems. Needless to say my daughter is now 12 years old. I talked to her about everything there is to know about sex and drugs. I talked to her about this when she was 9. The crazy thing is she asked me. See I dont find these a early age(too young) anymore. While I was pregnant with my daughter in scool , I had to attend a “special” class and there was a 9 year old pregnant. So I can only imagine what the kids are talking about or doing now of days. Honestly it is your business and its not. They are entitled to their privacy to an extint. My only answer would be to maybe talk to her as a mother and a friend about the sex issue or find a counsler to talk to her about these things . As far as the drugs there are tests they sell to test for these things, I have seen them at walgreens and Cvs. I wished my mom would have at least talked to me instead of yelling and telling and always assuming things. Good luck with your daughter !

Answer #53

Pay close attention to her changes of attitude, does she challenge you more often? Do snoop if signs of dropping grades, less interest in children or her age category activities, stealing and continously lying. Her circle of friends and the boys they hang around, listen and watch very closely the signs will slowly unravel, a pickup in appetite as well is a sign, also a diary may be helpful in finding out. Then tell her you suspect that she has been up to something, don’t just bluntly come out and tell her she is having sex, give her the opportunity to tell you. If that doesn’t work tell her you are going for a regular check up and when she gets there explain to the doctor what you expect and that you want her to get check for penetration. If she starts to cry or gets extremely nervous then your suspiscions is right on the money. Explain to her after that you don’t condone what she is doing, but ask her why is she doing it, and ask if she is protecting herself, then give her the reassurance that she can come to you and talk to you before she feels the need to do something. Do hide your anger the best way you know how, because a child just needs understanding. Explain to them that you are going to have to work at your trust system again.

You are the parent and this generation of kids are very ruthless, sneaky and rebellious. I just recently found out about my daughters doings, and by me intervening because of my suspicions I would have kept on going believing that she was innocent and just having a rough teenage life. She is only 12 now.She is very open and understanding of what I did. Be careful if your child shows signs of stress, it may result in possible suicide or running away, that is why I say be very understanding of why they are doing it, please do not hit. I have a degree in counseling and that is why I was able to uncover plenty before confronting. That was about 5 months of work. You can also speak with a doctor about how about asking or confronting.

Answer #54

I know this was posted over a year ago so hopefully this mother has worked out the situation, but for anyone else reading this, I have some thoughts. No matter what, remember that you love your daughter and she loves you. If you truly get that gut feeling that your child or teenager is not safe, you do have the freedom to look in her room. However, I do not suggest reading her diary, text messages and emails. And if you feel you must do those things, take everything with a grain of salt. I remember as a teenager I would write in my journal how I “feel worthless” or how “things would be easier if my mom didn’t exist” and so on. Many of these things were written at night after a bad day or just after some moody hormonal episode of crying in my room all alone, even though I had a lot of fun that day at school and did well at sports training that afternoon. If my mother had seen my diary I feel like she would be heartbroken and take things very seriously. I know there is a difference between some things and “I snorted cocaine today” but remember that these are your child’s innermost thoughts AT THAT MOMENT and may not reflect her morals and beliefs that she usually has. If you find out she is doing drugs (like you find a bowl in her closet), confront her very easily. You might say, “When I was putting laundry in your room I noticed how your room might need a little vacuuming up and I know how busy you are with school and competitive swimming that I thought I would do you a favor. While cleaning I noticed a bowl in your room. Why are you smoking marijuana? Are you bored? Do you just want to get high and have a fun time? Tell me why. I want to hear you and understand you.” Make sure she knows you love her and never say “I can’t love someone who does drugs/sex/steals/cheats/lies/self-mutilates/etc.” instead say something like, “Even though I know you smoke marijuana (or whatever it is) and I am worried about you getting lung cancer, I still love you and I will always love you.” Make sure your daughter knows you love her unconditionally even if you do not love her actions. Keep everything very calm and do not yell or slap her. If your teenager starts yelling, keep your voice down. If she starts throwing the furniture, stay calmly seated. She may just need to let her anger out and I personally feel that the situation will go better with only one person upset/violent/screaming and not two people doing that. When she is over with yelling, crying, whatever else, you can then have a calm discussion and really listen to what she says. Then she is able to really listen to what you have to say and take it in. If you yell at her, ground her right away, or smack her, she is not going to calm down and listen to what you have to say.

Answer #55

Have there been any signs that make you wonder? Like, is she throwing little comments in about drugs (I did this when I wanted to know what my parents thoughts on pot was, when I was smoking it), ex: “Hm, I wonder why pots illegal when it’s in other countries” then my mom would say “omgsh, it’s bad.. blah blah blah” and my dad would say “Well, it’s just b/c the gov’t is making a lot of money from catching people.” I have been smoking it for 3 or 4 years and I was dying to tell my parents but just didn’t know how. I wasn’t wanting help… heck no I loved it to much, but I was wanting them to know just so I wouldn’t freak out so much being high around them. Anyways, lol this is awful, but if you want to know if she’s doing Coke, you could sneak in her room at night when she’s asleep, shine a light in her nose and see if theres any white powder looking stuff in her nose. (Unless she’s smoking it) or if theres little cut drinking straws (some easy to snort w/) laying in her room. Meth- if she complains about not being able to sleep, and starts losing a heck of a lot of weight or she might not even complain, she may just stay up all night. And a dead give away would be Aluminum (cant spell) foil or light bulbs laying around, or hidden somewhere in the room. Pills- it’s hard to tell if someones taking pills. My parents have no idea , my mom wonders though b/c I got excited one day when she told me her doctors gave her some med’s to strong for her, and I asked what kind it was and she said hydrocodone’s and I asked if they were speckled and my mom said “what does that mean” and I said “are little blue dots on them,” then I realized I said too much and now my mom has wondered. But, now I’m 20, so I’m not that worried about it. Anyways, for the sex part… thats sort of her business, not any one elses. She has choices she can make her self. I’m sure by now she knows what you can catch and what can happen when you choose to have sex. I’d just flat out say “If you get pregnant, that is your responsibilty and I’ll force you to get married” my parents told me that, and it helped me keep my pants on til’ I turned 18. lol hope you have a great day, Good luck and God bless.

Answer #56

Hey im 16, I have 12 kids and your daughter is the mother to them all, we also are getting by smoothly with al the money we make of the dealing buisness nah jokes but I am 16 and I’ve done weed and become addicted to it for a while untill I relized that I was screwing up to bad and me and my mate promised we both wouldnt do it untill we both hit 80 lol. and thats been a positive so far. You just got to give your daughter the talk dont say dont do it, say ill let you expermient in front off me only if you promise not to do it anywhear else. This will get them through the stage and get them over drugs all up worked for me.

Hoped I helped you

Answer #57

First–it is ABSOLUTELY your right as a mother to snoop through her things and spy on her! It’s your responsibility to keep her safe and make sure that her activities are healthy. So don’t listen to any of these kids around here telling you otherwise! Get your butt in her room. Read her diary, go through her drawers–learn who she is and do it without shame! You don’t have to tell her that you did these things if you don’t want to cause more problems, but it will at least give you a compass to know where to go.

IT’s really hard to tell if your kids on drugs if you haven’t really been exposed to people on drugs, or done them yourself. Me, I can spot a stoner kid a mile away. Also a meth kid or coke kid. Kids these days are mostly on pot or meth–they are cheap and easy to get. So focus on figuring out those two first.

The best, absolute best way? Make her a batch of her favorite cookies or dinner, clear everyone from the house for the evening and sit down as her mother and talk to her. Ask her about sex and drugs and boys and friends and tell her you just want to see how her life is going. If it doesn’t go well, do it again the next week. If it still doesn’t go well, do it again the next week. Do it every week, the girl will eventually realize you care for real and will want to open up to her mom. Don’t be judgemental if she has had sex or done drugs or punish her or fly off the handle. Make sure she’s being safe, tell her what your wishes are, but realize she is at the age where she’s going to do what she wants, regardless of what you say. make home a safe haven for her–not some place she is trying to escape.

Ask her non-confrontationally and just in a loving way to get to know your daughter. SH’ell open up to you.

Answer #58

Everything should be obvious. as far as drugs. are her grades still good. what does she say about them or does she talk about how her friends are stupid when they do them. when she comes home at night does she go straight to her bed room. is she getting in trouble at school. or her attitude different towards u. like back talking and stuff. if so she probably is. as far as sex. does she have a boyfriend? if so then is their relationship still the same. do they go straight to the room and close the door. do they leave a lot. I remember when my sister lost her virginity. her and her boyfriend always left and came home late. but in the beginning they were always home. you shouldn’t snoop in her stuff. if she found out she would feel like eyou couldnt trust her. let her know she can talk to you about sex. AND YOU REALLY NEED TO BE OK WITH IT! SERIUOSLY. cause either way if she is having sex she is gna keep having sex. and you can either know about it and make sure she is safe by letting her tell you and you be cool with it. or you can get mad and her not ever talk to you about it again and you not know anything. I got pregnant at age 15 and I had been having sex for like 9 months. I wasn’t able to talk to my mom about anything. it sux not being able to. be her friend about it. but then throw out being safe and smart about it just like a mom would!

Answer #59

Ok hi my story:

I was 9 years old when I had my first period. Ithought I was big and tuff I was already in the 7th grade because of my grades. I Messed that completely up in feburary 2003 I Started doing drugs with the eighth graders. one of them had a 17 year old friend of which I had unprotected sex with—nine times. My mother could tell that I was doing drugs because everyday I came home with droopy eyes and pasti skin. in may 2003 I started forming a baby hump. I went to the doctor because I had morning sickness and was afraid I was pregnent. I was -with a baby girl. I was overjoyed I rushed over to tell the father and he left me. I broke the news to my mother and she broke down and started crying. 11 days later she commited suicide. see I was not the only one of 19 brothers and siters who had an early pregnancy. I was one of 3 my mother was taking care of 22 children ranging from the age of 11 months to 19 years. She was working two jobs and my father 3. I hated my self so much I was about to commit suicide. My father entered me into rehab and I passed with flying colors.remember I was only nine years of age. on november 19 2003 I had a heathy baby girl named LiliRoze. two years later I thought I was through with the worst part of my life when I was raped 12 times by my eight older brothers. I was pregnant again this time with twin baby boys. my father could not handle any more children I never though told him it was my brothers baby boys. they were free while I had to suffer. He put me in foster care. I am now 14 and I have a beautiful 5 year old girland two 3 year old foster care

Answer #60

First of all don’t go snooping around and spying on her thats a way to get her to not trust you and not have any respect for you. You should just talk to her and tell her how you feel, getting her to trust you and talk to you will make her feel close to you. I don’t have a mom but i have grandma who spy’s and sneaks around and that only gives me more of a reason to hide things i don’t think she wouldn’t be happy knowing. I’d rather have my children coming to me for help rather than her teenage friends who don’t know much. If your daughter is doing drugs it isn’t that hard to notice, but if you do find out shes doing drugs don’t go to hard on her because it will pressure her to run away, and it will make things worse. Today kids are having sex and doing drugs at young ages and nothing can really stop them. I’ve seen friends doing drugs at school having sex on the school bus and other things. I’d rather have my kids drinking in my house where i can watch them and make sure everything goes fine rather then them seeking off at night, ditching school, staying at places they shouldn’t be at, or even doing bad things at school. Being a parent shouldn’t have to be about restricting your kids or stalking them, parents are suppose to show their kids that they will always be there for them, someone who will give them advise about ANYTHING, and keeping their kids safe. I am 16 and I’ve done almost every drug and has had sex. i’m someone a parent wouldn’t like to have and i had the strictest parents who kept a close watch on me. Snooping and spying wont stop your kid from doing what they want.

Answer #61

ok so the one think I would never do is go through her stuff. I mean its her stuff and you really dont have a right tuching it I mean how would you like if she dose that to u?? I think you should talk to her get her trust tell her you love her and you r a consernd. Dont like threten her at all just be there for her if she needs you and make shore she nows your thare and your a person she can trust who wont just jsut give motherly advice but friend advice too. She nows right from rong witch you should have tot her now what she dose is her chice just be there for and and let her now you wont to anithing CRAZY without her aproval. I can go to my mom for anything because I now she wont juj me for it or tell anyone and I love her for it!! hope it helps

Answer #62

As a teenager myself who has experiemented with some things, but not drugs: its never easy to tell. especially depending on her friends, but one of my good friends, 2nd in my class, comes to school hungover all the time. I would not reccomend reading her diary. I know you must want to know who she is, and whats shes really telling you, but she needs trust as a teenager. she writes that only to herself. its best to just try to talk to her. don’t try to be the cool mom, just try to be her mom, and care about her as best you can. it may not always work out, but as her mom, its your job to take care of her. and, if you are concerned, a teacher or someone who knows her well, a friend’s parent or an older/younger sibling, even other kids could probably tell you what you need to know. and please, always preach safe sex if not abstience. the more you hear it, the more you think. good luck.

Answer #63

im 17, and I think you should snoop too. just dont let HER know about it.. its your responsibilty to know that she is safe. if you do find something, try to bring it up. I mean if she is having sex..then just have a sex talk or somethin. dont embaras her or nothin, just be like “you’re at the age when you begin to experiment.. I just want to know that your safe so use protection at all times” yada ydada.. offer her to take her to a clinic to get birth control or somethin. If your daughter is on drugs, I think you definatly need to find help. I have never had a problem with drugs, but I do know that if your daughter does it would probably be a bit obvious. Kids experiment. you probably did too. But if your daughter is smart she’ll take care of herself…

Answer #64

as a teen myself, I would have to say going through her things especally READING HER DIARY, is not the best thing to do. I had my mom do this same things to me. she read my diary, my notes from friends, looked through all my dressers, and even tried to listen in on my phone conversations. Its not cool and all, I lost myself completely. WHy cant you just talk to your daughter? For you to be an adult, snooping through all her stuff is really immature. It doesnt matter that shes your daughter, she deserves privacy. My diary was something sacret, after my mom read it…It felt useless to me. It was no longer the only one who new my deepest thoughts.

I dont understand why parents cant just talk to their children anymore…It isnt THAT hard.

it is also kind of pathetic that a parent would rather snoop through their childrens PERSONAL things than to just sit and talk.

Answer #65

just sit her down, tell her that shes not in trouble if she tells you now. if she tells you onestly that she isnt doing it, let her go. if she tells you that she is, let her know that its wrong and that she cant do that again a dont get mad. some kids just do it again to show them that getting mad and grounding doent work.dont get mad. just let her feel that you dont want her doing that because you care too much. if I got in trouble like that, I would want my perents to not force me but to explain that its bad. after that talk, shell think about how much youll be hurt. and if your kind she will care more too. it kinda brings you and her together.

Answer #66

I know you have most likly gotten your ansewer but I am 13, I havent had sex yet but in high school I plan to so lady, stay the freak out of her room if she wanted to tell you she would if she hasent yet she ethier wont or dosnt trust you enough get the hell out of her room and her life, or youll loose her forever and I have absoloutly no intension of using drugs and if she is smart niether will she.

Answer #67

Birds of a feather flock together, so take a close look at her friends. I started having sex, drinking and smoking pot at the tender age of 13. None of my friends did any extracurricular activity, unless you counted detentions. My friends were always really nice, so you can’t go by their attitude(attitudes of teens dont always tell you anything anyway), but more by their actions. If they are drinking, drugging or having sex, it is likely they wont have any interest in school or old activities they used to enjoy. also make sure you know your child’s friends’ parents. I hope this helps you some, Oh, yeah, my mom read my diary, found out I was having sex with a boy who was 18 (I was 15)and she tried to take him to court for statitory rape. (The judge threw it out because my mother couldn’t produce the diary.) Don’t ever do that, I wish she had just talked to me about it, or had she said nothing and just kept a closer eye on me I would have continued to write in my diary unaware. I hated her for reading it and taking such drastic steps, but had she reacted differently, it would have made a world of difference. Good Luck!!

Answer #68

Im 15 myself, but I would say to go ahead and snoop. if she has a journal, go ahead and read it. and if she says “how could you” or something like that, just reply “ Say it-forget it–write it-regret it”. that’s what my mom says.. I have a journal, and my mom’s never read it, but there really isnt anything interesting in it.. just how my days usually go lol.. but yes I think you should snoop. I wouldnt mind my mom snooping because I have nothing to hide. if she is completely enraged about it if/when she finds out, id say yes, she has something to hide and you need to do some detective work.

but yes, I would do what others have said and simply talk to her about it, but on the off chance she doesnt talk, you’ll need to resort to “snooping around”

Answer #69

DONT snoop through her stuff, yes you may think you have the right to because you are a mother, but no you dont! everone needs some personal space and her bedroom is all she has so please dont look through her things for yours and your daughters sake! when I was 13/14 I was a ‘’bad kid’’ you could say, I was having sex,drinking tried drugs a few times.Yet I knew all the risks, I was just ‘experimenting’ you could say, and so were over Half the people in my year at depending on the age of your daughter, she may well be too. when my mam found out that id been doing sex and drugs..ect, she said she wish she never found out, its best you dont know the ‘bad side’ of your daughter. but I dont know, she might be a lovley innocent girl who hasnt done any of this, just dont ask her yet, depending on how old she is wait abit longer, cause if you ask her and she honestly has never done anything like this before, she may be a little offended that you would think that. Good luck. :)

Answer #70

I was readin all these and got a headache. im 13 and I want to help. my mom is not open to me wit this suff at all and I have only heard or stds and aids and stuff from friends and science teachers lol. well anyway, I dont think you should snoop unless you r ready for the truth, and if you do snoop dont let her find out. I think it wud b best to open up to her and again tell her bout your past mistakes and how they did or could change your life drastically. then if she opens up to you and says she took drugs and had sex do not punish her, she will never tell you anything that she would do ever again!! she dosent want o get introuble but b greatfull she went to you and told u BEST OF LUCK!!! jen funmail me wit any questions

Answer #71

well first of all you could out and out aske her but I’m guessing by lack of background that she wouldn’t tell. Find out where she is going, ask her friends. Do whatever you can. Try to get closer to her and become better friends. Also you may want to keep watch on her cash flow. I f she earns a ton then spends it all on who knows what that’s a hint. Try to make her understand you want to be a part of her life but not such a huge part that she is suffocated. Keep track of where she is going and who she is hanging out with. And watch what time she gets home and how she acts when she does. Just keep track of her and her life and know you are her mother. As a worried parent you have ar ight to snoop.

Answer #72

It’s good for a mother to have an open line of communication with their children. Talk to her about it. Make her feel comfortable with you. Make her feel she can talk to you about this. The safer she feel, the more she’ll confide. Don’t make her feel as if she will be in trouble. To me, trouble wasn’t nearly as bad as my mom being dissapointed with me.

Answer #73

One i am 13 and if you sneak around and snoop in her stuff and she found out she probably be more likly to tell you less than if you didn’t snoop and if she is 13 or older and has a boyfriend chances are shes had sx and if he is you can talk to her about safe sx and stuff like that and she could be more open with you most of me and my friends had had s*x but not done drugs

Answer #74

the best thing to do is not to spy and talk to her

Answer #75

But its not her job to show that she doesn’t trust her daughter, thats the last thing a daughter wants to hear from her parent. Don’t shove useless consequences in your daughters face. I am 14 and I feel that having parents disappointed with me is much worse then consequences. You can snoop if you like put DO NOT overdo it. Thats when you start loosing the respect and trust from your troop and that dangerous territory. Just watch her for a while and talk to her calmly..DO NOT cut her off..EVER!! If there is one thing that I can tell you from my experiences, it is to listen to her and see everything in her eyes before you act. Hope this helps..

Answer #76

Just look at it this way. Your daughter is not doing anything you or (your friends) have not done when you all were teenagers. Don’t go snooping through her and be secretley nosy. All you need to do is sit her down one day and say this exact phrase “ _ her name, You know you never have to hide anything from me or be afraid to talk to me, I will always love you no matter what, so I will always want you to tell me what is going in your life. No matter what it is. If she comes up and tells you that she is doing drugs or having sex, you can talk her out of it, tell her why it isn’t healthy for a girl her age to be engaging in such things. Just try and be her FRIEND not just her mom.

Answer #77

when she is in the shower, go through her purse, a lot of my friends that are girls keep pot pipes and condoms in their purses. that would be your best bet. Also, if my mom went through my room looking for drugs and condoms, I would be f*cking pissed. Your daughter will not be happy with you. If she is only smoking pot, dont worry about it, she is better off doing that than smoking cigarettes. You also might want to ask yourself why she is doing drugs, mostly kids that do drugs do it for a reason, im not going to go into my reasons, but I think if it wasnt for weed, than I would be dead now. It was a way to get away from your problems and relax, it def helped me out a lot.

Answer #78

well, first of all, dont snoop. if she finds out you snooped around, she wont trust you and will probably do drugs or something bad to go against you because shes so angry. developing a close relationship with her would help. I’m 15 and my parents & I are pretty close and I’m a pretty good teenager. if I wasn’t so close to my parents, I really wouldn’t care if they found out I did stuff. and if she has boys over, figure out what they’re like. it can tell you about her sex life.

chances are that you raised her right and she’s not doing anything too bad. but if she is, she’s a teenager and she’ll learn. if it gets too bad, trust me, you’ll be able to tell.

Answer #79

well i wouldnt be too forward about it. dont act accusing if you confront her either. try to be understanding, and remember all the stuff you did when you were her age. maybe share some of your wilder teenage stories. basically, just make things as comfortable as possible, and dont make it seem like she’ll be punished if she does those things, but dont leave out all of the consequences that could happen as a result. my parents were funny. my mom said when my brothers were in their teens, she bought condoms and put the on their beds. she didnt want to know if they were doing it, but if they were, then at least they would be safe. lol. i dont know if i would do what she did, but she is very trusting of us.

Answer #80

okay. first.. im a teen myself.. im 16 and I hva a problem with my boyfriend. he does drugs. abuses me physically and sexually.(don’t worrry about me im taking care of it with the police) and stuff like that. I’ve had sex consenually about 3-4 times(I have a very guily conseience about that) I ahv smoked and done drugs and stuff BUT im getting help..

just! confront her about it. it wont hurt you or her. TAKE IT FROM MY EXPERIENCE!

Answer #81

I just told my parents I’ve had sex. I didnt think it was that big of a deal. they were just disapointed severialy . though I dont really regret it. I dont know what really to tell you I just made everyones life horrable since they found out. I havent told them any of the other stuff I do and really dont ever plan to because of this. the best way is to be comforable with them. joke about it and they would be more likely to tellyou. my mom simply asked and I thought she was ready for the truth. if there are odvious sighns then take control though. dont let I t get out of hand.

Answer #82

It is never a good idea to snoop. If she catches you, which is very possible, it will show your daughter you don’t trust her and this will just make her rebel. Honesty is always the best way. Sit your daughter down and tell her you want to know if she’s sexually active or is doing drugs. Don’t say it in an accusing way. Simply tell her that you need reassurance that she’s okay, and that instead of snooping, you want to hear it from her. You may think she will be tempted to lie, but in this situation, if you’re careful and unaccusing, most kids will answer honestly. It may be scary/embarassing to talk to your daughter about that, but think how much worse it would be if she got pregnant, or ODed. This is how my mother raised me and my sisters, and I have never done drugs, and I only lost my virginity last year, to my wonderful boyfriend of 3 years. In the end, it’s ultimately your decision how to deal. Remember that this is just my opinion, and you know your daughter in a way I never can.

Love & Luck!

Answer #83

Your a mum obvisiously you want to know about your daughter and what she is up too,who wouldnt be ? I think you need to tell her that you are wooried and explain why, have a girlie night in or out.make sure you bond , but dont what ever you do make her talk , wait for her to come out with it. I hope it helps. x

Answer #84

regarding cheshell’s answer: Birds of a feather may flock together, but there’s always one or two that stands out. I personally hang out with a lot of stoners and underage drinkers, and I’m good friends with quite a few drug dealers, but that doesn’t mean I’m smoking jane, and/or getting wasted every weekend. They respect me for who I am.

Answer #85

I dont know how to tell if she is doing any drugs, but if she’s drinking then she might gain weight. The sex thing will probably come when she gets a boyfriend for a lil while and then is always asking to spend the night at her bestfriends house. if you want her to be open with you then frequently talk to her about it. Make sure you let her know that no matter what her decision is that you will always love her. If she tells you something like she was thinking about sex, then dont get mad!!! If you get mad then she wont come to you again for any advice.

Answer #86

Okay, I would just really make her feel bad, you know? Like say “Oh, I can’t BELEIVE my daughter is so incredible! She isn’t in Drugs like most of these stupid teens!” But don’t say it so obvious because ummm.. that would kinda spoil the whole thing and she would get pissed off and start saying things like “I’m your daughter, I would NEVER do that!” Even though she could be lying to your face right then and there. But DON”T EVER EVER EVER read her diary or journal, e.t.c. becuase that would make her feel even more mistrusted. Trust me, been there done that (the diary part not the daughter). Good Luck!

Answer #87
  1. do not get mad and if you are don’t look it teens won’t talk to a B*tchy parent.
  2. remind her that there are no consequences coming from you, all you want to do is fix any problems 3 (most important) be close to your kid her best bud, it’s easier for her to know you care when you show it.
Answer #88

I cant say this for everyone cause people might disagree but “TEENAGERS DO NOT WANNA HAVE “THE TALK” WITH THEIR PARENTS!”. you can snoop all you want but make sure you dont get caught cause then she might think that you arent trusting her and that’ll just make her angerier at you and more distant. btw, if you want her to talk to you, wait for her to come to you. just tell her that you’re there for her if she ever needs someone to talk to or listen. hope this helps!

Answer #89

I’m fifteen and a male and I am not a virgin. you should talk to your daughter about it because if she finds out your sneaking around then so will she. Also if she has a boyfriend that is very close to her try to sit them both down, which is your right as a parent. One more point I would like to mention is that not all guys(in your case) or girls are bad, I have been going out with my girlfriend for two years and hope to get married to her as soon as we have supporting jobs. hope a teenage perspective helped, good luck

Answer #90

if she catches you snooping around she will be so mad and she probably woudnt trust you agian, do what you think is right, but seriously you have to just trust her, ya some teens make mistakes, but not ALL of them

Answer #91

Read her diary, check her computer, her cell phone, spy on everything she does, ONLY if you have strong suspicions that she is doing drugs, having unprotected sex and underage. BUT, and I really mean BUT…do not let her know! NO MATTER WHAT YOU FIND! She will feel ashamed and angry and the situation will become worse rather than better. Treat the information you receive as a gift and use it wisely to head her off at the pass! The best response so far was from iichiiuaua. This is what I have done for the past 3 years with my daughter and it didn’t stopped the behaviour entirely, but it really slowed it down and I do have the chance to stop her before she does something REALLY stupid.

Answer #92

Well . My mom always takes me out to the mall or to get something to eat and tells me some stories about her life and I tell her some about mine . Maybe just put it like .. “ I feel like we’ve lost touch and I thought it would be nice to talk and spend a lil time together .” She may be draggin her feet on answers but maybe try not to come of as such a mom at that moment be more like a friend and you may get more information because its not sooo imtiadating .

Plus your doctor may not give her a drug screenin without her consent but they do sell at home ones arent the most accurate but still pretty good . You can find them at walmart mainly big chain stores around the pharmacy and sometimes you have to ask them .

`Steph Me and my mom went through some hard times and thats what worked for us thought Id try and pass it on

Answer #93

why dont you justask her right out say your justworried and dont want herto get hurt and trying to help her out and if she takes it the wrong way try to be understanding and say you dont want to snoop through her stuff and rather be honest shell probly understand. hope it helps.

Answer #94

Sit her down and ask her. If she lies, then she lies and there is nothing you can do about it. But its worth a try.

And by you asking her about it, she might be worried about getting caught or nervous about why you think that, so maybe it will cause her to get enough of a conscious to stop.

Answer #95

Well I dont think its any of your buisness if she wanted you to know she would tell you like me and my mom I am 17 and I have told my mom everythin about everything since as far back as I can remember

Answer #96

well im 14 so a teenager and the best thing to do is talk to her about it.. but don’t scare her off if you understand as I wish my mam was easy to talk too x

Answer #97

lookaround in her room where things can be hiden, comdoms,birth control, weed pappers things like that could be found. im 17 years old I had smoked pot when I was in my younger teens but it was pear pressure almost every teen had done some sort of drug I only started having sex one month ago I can tell if people are virgins I dont know why?? find out about her friends and look at her apperance how she dresses and stuff also smell her back pack or hoodie pockets for any smell of a drug or maybe even cigarettes thats what I would do and be understanding if you do seem to find anything people change!

Answer #98

u shudnt spy on children even if your worried even if they are your child if you are worried then sit them down and tlk face to face and confront them.

Answer #99

Noticable signs are out there… Does she sleep in late, seem pale, mood swings, goes through money fast.- for drugs.

Sex, I cant really help you on that one

Answer #100

I honestly won’t and I mean won’t tell you ways to sneak around on your child because my mom does it all the time just to reassure herself but what I can say to you is(coming from a 15 year old) is ask her…yupp! ask its not that hard if you havea good relationship she may be hesitant but she will tell you if not wait till she does and if god forbid she is already doing it and you have no clues she’s probably smart enough to take care of her self (example clinic trips) it may be hard to think about but its life

Answer #101

YOU SHOULN’T SNoOP AT ALL!!! My mom always accuses me of doing something wrong and I can honestly say that I am good and I don’t do anything. My mom pushed me away and ruined my close relationship with her. Let your daughter know that you care about her a lot and you just want to guide her in the rite path. Be open with her. Be like a friend and just give advice. Nobody is perfect..if she is , CALMLY, tell her the consequences of what could happen if she continues. She’ll figure it out from there and it will bring you closer to her if you are open and don’t yell at her. Snooping is the worse thing you can do and it will only push her away from you

Answer #102

I know I sound like a big dumb ars if I say this but:Let her go out on her own for the next month.Observe the changes in mood and attitude.If she is acting a little mature for her age…Like a parent, most chances are she had sex.And no such thing as safe sex!!!DUH! If she is acting like a moron she did drugs.

Good Luck,

              Parent Of Six
Answer #103

uugh talk to her my sister was into the whole french kissing thing with her boy friend and started a diary all about it luckily me and her dont share a room like we used to so I dont have to cope with it mom found out while looking threw her clothes drawer so she could hand down stuff to my other sister when she found a big pink note book that said JACK AND ME mom got p*ssed but turns out mom was in just as much trouble as my sister for snooping DONT SNOOP!!

Answer #104

you shouldnt be spying on her because when she finds out your the one in trouble not her . mayby she will be planing on telling you just not now. here is the answer to your question talk to her and tell her how you feel and what your thinking.

Answer #105

The best thing you should do I don’t crowd her. Im 18 my mother didn’t trust me asked me if I was doing drugs or having sex. So end up leaving home and doing all of those things

Answer #106

Try talking before snooping. My mother use to snoop, I’m 24 and still can’t see her reasoning because when I found out I just couldn’t trust her. I still can’t understand. Try talking first - if that doesn’t work then maybe do a little snoop. Reading diarys is going waaayyy too far. I’m sorry but for the kid in me thats unforgivable. I know your worried but you have to have some respect for her too. If you don’t respect her, she ain’t gonna respect you. As for the drugs - find out what her opinion of drugs is. Try talking befoe you rush the gun

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