How do I deal with this guy?

so hes been my classmate for 4 years but never got close to him as he was like my “ideal” guy, which is too scary on my part if you know what I mean. When im around him, I just get so tense so I stay away from him to avoid looking like idiot but deep inside I want to be near him like nothing else in this world! I remember once he said something like I was arrogant or snob or something, but he remained civil to me after that so I just ignored it. Im used to being an independent, self sufficient person so its a bit difficult for me to handle emotions of this kind where another human being is involved, so I pretended to be indifferent to him for 4 years! it sucks! I’ve had crushes before but never this intense.

Recently though, I’ve been depressed which resulted to consecutive drinking and we have common friends so I always end up sitting next to him! Goodness! Once, he walked me out of the bar and helpd me get a taxi. I almost died. Another time, by some sort of destinys joke, we ended up alone just the two of us. sitting next to other, talking a little but quiet most of the time. He asked me how I was, and told me he has split up with his girlfriend. I said “really, good!”. haha..I kinda regreted my words but he dint react anyway. Then we went somewhere to eat, then home, this time he just left me when I expected him to get me a taxi! I think I shouldve faelt bad, but im independent anyway so no biggie.

Last week we were out drinking again, and he did my favorite songs on the karaoke. How could I not fall in love with him! we have same favorite songs!. we shared a song once, it just kills me. I think we really have a sort of chemistry, I remembered a classmate made the same remark way back. We share some mannerisms, and many more things in common like our dislike for sports, our disability to swim and ride a bike!

I found out later he has hit it off with his girlfriend again. Turns out his girlfriend who was a really virtuous girl, started drinking heavily after they broke up and it really weighed heavily on his conscience, hence the reunion. I also found out from a friend that he likes this girl he went to hiskul with. I know the girl. Kinda jealous but not quite.

So weve hung out several times already and yet when we meet at school, its still the same indifference as before? Maybe im responsible for all this becoz im so aloof? I really get the feeling that all this distancy is my fault. I remember once, there were just 3 of us drinking and the conversation was very intimate. I was depressed at the time and He was like pressing me to open up and release my troubles, but I refused because I was scared I might burst into tears if I did. I suspect hes been trying to reach out to me and I kept shutting myself up on him? Im not saying he likes me, maybe he just wants to get to know me and want to be my friend. Which is exactly what I want too. To be friends with him, but im just too distant, whats up with me!

Its our last year in college so I’ve decided to take action before hes totally slipped away! I really get scared when im near him so maybe I could start with chatting him up on a social site? What to do? Helpp! any advice would be appreciated. Thanks!