How do I deal with being bi-polar?

I’ve had trouble with depression since I was 4 years old and gradually over the years its got worse, as a kid I went to the doctors many times but my mum refused to have me put on medication. Now im 17 and over the last 3 years my depression has caused me a lot of trouble with my last year at school, college and now work. I can be fine one minute but the smallest of things will set me off and ill be down for weeks and then all of a sudden I will have a hyperactive day and then im back down again.all I do is cry and hate myself and my life all the time.a few months ago I went to the docotrs with my cousin when she found out she was bi-polar, we discussed a lot of things and it turns out we have a lot fo the same problems: crying, being paraniod, feeling guilty, hands constantly shaking, want to sleep loads, never wanting to go out, having an odd hyperactive day and not remembering what you did etc…I went to my doctor and he said theres a big chance I could be bi-polar too but I will need a lot of counselling first before they can diagnose anything or start me on the proper medication.trouble is, im not good at talking to people, I dont let people in and I cant express how I truly feel.I made an appointment and then backed out. What should I do? I just want to take the meds and start getting better without having to talk about everything.