How can I get him to say he loves me?

After 9 months, my boyfriend still hasn’t said he loves me. He shows me in a million ways, and is very good to me, but the words never come out. We are committed, see each other often, and I really think he does love me. Help–I keep being tempted to say it to him, but I want to hear it!

Answer #1

Why men hate saying I LOVE YOU

Is it true that men hate saying I love you? Most women live to hear those words. They grow up expecting love happily ever after. It is this quest to find love and hear those three little words that keeps most people going, even the cynics.

My male friends - who are my sounding board - tell me that men find it hard to say I love you. Whereas women seem to say it at the drop of a hat, men are reluctant. I don’t know if it is machismo, you know the idea that real men don’t show their feelings or what, but for most men those three little words are taboo.

Think about it. A man will make passionate, all-consuming love to a woman and yet find it hard to let the words out. It’s as if he thinks he will choke or the Lord might just smite him for saying it. I suspect that it has something to do with control.

He feels vulnerable because, if a woman were to ever hear those words, she would expect to be in control; she would expect commitment; she would want a quick follow-up with the natural question (at least from a woman’s perspective) of will you marry me?

Men who like to think that they are in control of their lives panic at the thought of a woman having so much power. If she knows that he loves her to distraction, she can play him like a puppet and get him to do things he would never have done otherwise. Depending on your perspective that could be good or bad.

On analysing it, one could conclude that when anyone tells someone that he/she loves them, things have graduated from a passing relationship to a situation of permanence. Men and women alike expect certain things to flow from those three little words.

I love you means commitment, that is, we not only think of ourselves but what the other person wants or needs. All that we do, we now do with that other person in mind - or should.

For a woman, it is usually a signal that she should start looking at wedding magazines and keep an eye out for the perfect dress. She imagines wedding bells, the honeymoon and babies. She can’t help it. It is all in her DNA, just as it’s in the man’s DNA to run for the hills, because saying it will be that albatross around his neck.

I think that is why men fight saying it, never mind that they say it in other ways. By their deeds, you shall know them. When a man loves a woman, he could buy a muzzle and sew down his tongue, she will usually know simply because a man in love gets mushy and maudlin and is always doing for her.

So, ladies, don’t panic if he isn’t saying I love you. What you need to do is see how he treats you. If he loves you, he will treat you like the queen you are. He will not try to hurt you; he will do his darnedest to keep you happy. I have another secret.

If you truly know your man, you will know whether he loves you or not. You won’t need to hear those three little words. Unless you happen to be involved with the lowest of the low, a man who is loved, who gets nothing but love, can only react to that love, over time.

Usually it overtakes him and, before he knows it, he is sunk, wondering how the hell did this happen. It is that sudden realisation that will scare a man, but it is how you deal with it as a woman that will cement the relationship.

I believe in letting go and letting love: no fanfare, no ultimatums. When you water a plant, it grows. If you over-feed it, it will wilt. So, in love, you can kill it by being too possessive and certainly by being obsessive. It is in loving without expecting that love redounds.

Answer #2

(ahem) sweetie all you need to do is get a can of olives, put on the counter or soemthing then stand by it and say, "Olive Juice"(it sounds like I love you) and if he says what say do you want some olive juice and if not then umm I dont know. lol good luck

Answer #3

ask him hunn its not that hard! :)

Answer #4

we men are afraid of rejection, everyone is through youre own i love you in after a kiss, he might get shocked the first time but keep at it, he’ll either say he loves you or he isn’t ready for you yet.

Answer #5

i am a guy and i say i love you to my girlfriend alot. however she cant say it back. i think its because people just don’t want to say it. has he said it to anybody befour? ask him. find out. he is your boyfriend.

Answer #6

you can’t make him say he loves you. you just have to wait until he is ready.

Answer #7

I am going through the same it hurts but in my case it has been 2 yrs. so now what I can feel the affection but he has told me that he doesn not “LOVE” me but action speak louder than words so they say,I can feel it so that’s why I stay, they are all the same …

Answer #8

LOL i am in the sam eboat its been 10 months and he hasnt said he loves me , but i really know he does because of how he treats me and so on, i want to hear those words too believe me, i was thinking of just asking him one day, “ do you love me”? but i havent gotten up the nerve yet .

Answer #9

ask him if dose and why he dose not say

Answer #10

Mouth ‘Colourful’ to him across the room


Answer #11

he might be saying the same thing he could just be scared you might not say it back or maybe you don’t want to use those words yet. but I bet you money if you tell him you love him he will reply I love you too and y’all will smile and hug and kiss and stuff :D haha

Answer #12

ima guy… ill tell you right now if he shows you he prob meens it… the reason he hasnt said it yet is prob the reason I diddnt say it to my girlfriend for a long time… HES REAL FREEKIN SHY!!… lol

Answer #13

It took me a really long time to tell her I loved her because I was afraid she wouldn’t say it back… I finaly told her and I think it was one of the happiest nights of my life

Answer #14


Answer #15

well why dont you send him a text or email saying how you feel and that you love him and see what his response is. I think he probably does love you but isnt used to saying it to a girl. Remember steady relationships where you take things slow are the best.

Answer #16

Guys are scared to sya it becuase they feel that you might not feel the same way. But just say to him I LOVE YOU. Sometimes you have to do the work for him if hes shy. If you say it , he’ll say it!

Answer #17

if you actually love him… tell him how you feel regardless of who is first :) then the truth comes out because if you are really honest with him he will know it and he will open up to you too

Answer #18

Dont press for those words to be spoken. If he shows you he loves you and you feel it that’s most important. Many guys say I LOVE YOU, yet they flee their not in it for the long haul, they tell ya what ya wana hear. Slow and steady wins the race.


Answer #19

You can’t make someone say they love you. That’s being forceful and impatient. If you really loved this person, you would let it come naturally. Other then asking for advice on a website where there are strangers hearing out your situation. Things like this cannot be forced, you have to wait. If you wait longer, then it’ll only mean so much more.

Answer #20

I’ve seen this was posted over 5 years ago. but I still have to answer this. you can’t force someone to do something they don’t want to do or aren’t ready for. you can’t make someone love you.

Answer #21

Some people just find saying “I love you” very difficult. My partner virtually never tells me he loves me and we have been together over seven years. I know he does though, because he shows his love to me in so many ways. What’s the big deal about getting someone to say it? If they love you you will know it.

Answer #22

if you want it right now,say it and see what he does. OR- just make sure he knows You do(without saying it),and make sure he knows your not going to just leave him,and are there for him. that way he knows how you feel,and it may make it easier for Him to feel comfortable with saying it.

also,has he ever said it to anyone(or felt like that),and maybe got hurt.

Answer #23

if you say it first, he’ll most likely say it back… him saying it first is like… climbing a tall, very skinny tree… it looks like it could snap if you try to climb it, but if you are able to, you feel very good… If he does say it first, MAKE SURE YOU SAY IT BACK AND HE KNOWS THAT YOU SAID IT!!!

Answer #24

you can\t get him to say I love you. you have to wait til he’s good and ready to tell you. if you pressure him into saying it, who knows. you may lose him, just let things take their course and you should be good to go

Answer #25

love can never be forced.. then it would be fake.He’ll tell you when hes ready! :)

Answer #26

First of all, how old are you? It might seem like age doesn’t matter but it does, {just not for the reasons you might think} If you are teens well, maybe he has never experiennced this type of emotion and is afraid to admit, or commit. If you are young adults, well the same really applies. If you are the age where most likely you have been in love in the past there can be a fear of leaping into something that caused so much pain in the past. Any way you look at it, I would much rather have a man that doesn’t shout it from the roof tops but shows me day after day how important I am. Instead of a man telling me how much he loves me all the time to distract me from the fact that he is really an idiot. I don’t know if this helped, but I sure hope you realize you are a pretty lucky girl. Clo

Answer #27

ok hun im only 15 so maybe you wont even pay attention but all this people who are telling to tell him first are wrong i mean you can to that if you want but no hun, just cause the guy hasnt said i love you dont mean he doesnt, actions speak louder than words honey so if you say he treats you nice and all that good stuff realize and think about how he might love you but hes not telling because he wants to show you, think about it wouldnt you rather for him to show then just tell you and not mean it, then again it has been a pretty long time and he hasnt told you anything but hun the best thing to do is talk with him about it and tell him how you feel and let him tell you how you feel,well hun good luck im sure everything will be ok but for more advise fun mail me

Answer #28

Same boat. Eight months. I’m going away to FL for a few days, and I’m hoping he will drop it prior to that.. I don’t know.

I could just be commitment issues? I don’t know. But I’d rather wait and wait and have it be insanely spectacular when he finally says it because I’d know he MEANS it, than for him to say it just because it’s what I want to hear.

Be patient. It’ll be worth it. :o)

Answer #29

not to be the skeptic, but maybe he just doesn’t, he may enjoy your company, care about you, but not love you. I was with a guy 3 years, lived together for 2 years and he never said it, all he ever said was “ I care about you deeply”, and yes, I tried saying it to him, I tried being patient, I don’t know how you can live, sleep, eat, and hold someone every day and not love them, but it happens.

Answer #30

why don’t you ask him ‘’do you love me?’’ then see what he says.

Answer #31

give him time if he luvs you he’ll say it. in the mean time stop rushing it!

Answer #32

Hi I been in a 9month relationship also and he has not yet said “ I lOvE you” yet, Im in no rush, I really feel in my heart that he loves me, He shows it 100% he makes a million comments about how he loves my eyes, lips, I mean he says he loves everything about us… So I know he is just waiting for the right momment to tell me… I have not yet said anything either, I will wait for him to make the first move to tell me…I do feel that Im in love with him, But I love the fact that we are talking our time to tell eachother…

Answer #33

my partner told me that when he was 100% ready he’d tell me he loved me.. we have now been together 7 months and are both in our late 40’s.. he said he’d been hurt twice before and had built a wall up and that the wall had to come down before he could tell me he loved me.. he then went through a spell of saying ‘ditto’ in reply to my telling him that i loved him..last week he said again that he couldn’t tell me that he loved me yet, but a few days later, out of the blue, he told me he loved me.. he said ‘i love you, you know that i do’.. yes i did know, he treats me like a queen, like no other man ever has, but hey, nothing beats hearing those 3 little words.. but i’d rather wait and know they were genuine.. and i did ask him if he loved me.. he never said he didn’t, just said he wouldn’t say it untill the time was right.. there is a risk telling someone you love them.. they may run a mile, but at least then you aren’t wasting your emotions on someone who doesn’t want them.. just remember that falling in love can take time, but for the right person its worth the wait., but you can’t get anyone to say they love you unless they want to.

Answer #34

After 17 years of friendship, an ex lover wrote to me via email and wrote I LOVE YOU!!! Kisses. I’ve always known that he was into me, we’ve always had amazing chemistry, but he NEVER TOLD ME THAT HE LOVES ME UNTIL RECENTLY. Reading those words blew me away and I am still on a nutural high from it. Ofcourse, I wrote back and told him that I love him too!!! More than you’ll ever know. I don’t know, I felt obligated. But no really obligated, because I have been in love with this person forever. But I did give up on him a few years ago, because I just felt that our relationship was not going anywhere really for many reasons I believed. So I have learned a very important thing recently, when someone is ready to tell you that they love you, they will. It can take decades, but they will tell you when the time is right. You cannot force someone to tell you, because if you do…it is not coming out of them, but out of you — you that forced them to tell you pretty much.

Answer #35

I have dated maybe too many guys (started at 17 and once married, widowed and back to dating- middle aged. I am dating someone I consider myself to love. However, like you, found he doesn’t say it to anyone. Now, theres a hum dinger as in all my years of dating- this is the first time this has ever happened to me. It hurts. so all these post saying that its all how he treats you that matter. Well, if you have talked about it, then prehaps they know they are hurting you. Prehaps the one guy has it right about fearing that the three little words means you have to commit to a much larger scenario. I don’t know. All I know, I don’t particularly like the emotional pain, as I put my emotions out there, and hope not to get hurt. He obviously likes to live in a protective life style, risking less. He does all the right things, and says he is into me- even list every single thing that he likes about me. But unfortunately I wonder- how can a man make love to you over and over, commiting their body - and not be able to risk their emotions. Is he a sociopath? am I crazy for staying? If I had not dated enough, I probably would not have known this behavior is not normal. Like I said, the first guy ever. I keep thinking- who the heck messed him up, why did he build a wall.

Answer #36

I am in a different boat. My husband didn’t have a problem with it before we married. A year after our marriage, he just quit saying it cold turkey. No reasons, no explanations. I asked him why, and he doesn’t have an answer. I still want to hear it. After all, it’s been almost 23 years!

Answer #37

A Man who doesn’t say he loves you seems to have some commitment or trust issues. That was the case with my last boyfriend at the beginning where I had to finally ask him do you love me?!?! It was a good way to be in the middle without being the one who told him first and him realizing I needed it and to finally say “ I love you more than anything “ a few days later. I suggest that or the good ol “ so I was talking to me friend who was all worried about her boyfriend having commitment issues or something?!… etc I told her that if I was her I wouldn’t stay with a man past 9months if he hadn’t said the words… I dont know just a suggestion.

Answer #38

hes just not that into you get the book … I am a woman it helps… he may love you but hes not in love with you… theres a difference.

Answer #39

Your advice isn't kind, or particularly helpful, and I'm thrilled I'm not your girlfriend.

Answer #40

okay… well you can’t MAKE him say he loves you. Maybe he’s trying to figure it out for himself. I mean, think about it… do you want him to say that he loves you, if he doesn’t mean it. I’ve only said “I love you” to ONE guy, and he said it back, and I knew he meant it… we went out for almost 2 years before we said it, we both wanted to make sure we really did love each other before we said it. My mom made me break up with him, because she didn’t like the fact that he had a record, even though he had changed a lot since then, but she didn’t care, she made me break up with him and it sucked so bad… but we still talk, ALL the time… and we’ve planned that when I turn 18 I’m going to live with him, and my parents can’t stop me.He was my first kiss, first pretty much everything… but me and him never had sex, because he knew I wasn’t ready, and he told me he would wait for me. After we broke up, we decided to see other people, but soon realized it wouldn’t really work, because we still loved each other. and to this day I still love him. but give your man time, let him decided when HE’S ready to say I love you, don’t rush it… okay.?!?!

Answer #41

see sweetheart if you really love him and he does not propose you this the only solution you need to be practical I mean you cannot hang in the middle of a relation there are 3 straight answers either he loves or doesnt or maybe confused in all these answers you can do one thing go to him and tel him frankly that you want a true meaning of your relation with your guy if he still acts in that way the only thing you can do is call for a break up it sounds harsh but trust me men will only realise what they feel for there girl when she walks out and if he doesnt seem to bother about you than instead of breaking down think in a positive that atleast in the end you dint make a fool of yourself and walked out with dignity and remember one thing there are many fishes in water

                     good luck
Answer #42

I also have a bofriend been going out for 7months now and he has never said that he loves me… when I had the gutts to ask him he said that he barely knew me and that he wasnt ready to say so yet . I hope he will soon but if he doesnt and he is not ready in a years time ill just move on!! you too !!

Answer #43

To the woman above me, I would suggest stopping the physical part of your relationship until you sus out whether he genuinly loves you. If you are in doubt you should ask yourself why the doubt.

Answer #44

in my opinion don’t think you can force someone to say they love you, maybe you can well, I guess he wont say it until he makes sures that he really does luv u

Answer #45

ummm, if he loves you he'll say it.

it's only been 9 months, what is your f'ing hurry>? Jeez, if after 9 months my girlfriend said she loved me, I'd be gone out the wall, bugs bunny style.

Answer #46

arre bas apne dil ki baat bol de jaake

Answer #47

No comment.. . . .

Answer #48

just tell him how you feel n ask him how yu feel n after dat say ily n he will say it bac

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