How bad is it that I can not stand my fiancee's 10 year old?

My fiancee has three kids. A 16 year old adopted boy, a 10 year old girl and a 4 year old girl. I really enjoy spending time with the 16 year old and the 4 year old but I am beginning to get where I dont even want to look at the 10 year girl. Dont get me wrong, I love kids and I am a social worker and I have experience working with children. The 10 year old just seems to know how to hit my buttoms. Nothing is ever good enough for her. If you get her a coke she wanted dr.p or if you get her a pizza she wants a burger. There has not been one time that he have gotten her something that she has not complained about. Everything I cook, she has a comment about. If we take her camping or fishing she cries and whines the entire time complaining about how she does not want to be there. When I brought his kids home to meet my parents they said that she was the worst kid that they have ever been around. She cried the entire time. They dont even want her to come back. I am getting to the end of my rope with this one and definately need some advice…sometimes I just wish that I could be 10 years old for atleast two minutes so I could beat the hell outta her…help!!!

Answer #1

I don’t think hitting is a good idea, I don’t think calling her names like a baby is a good idea… I think the deal is this, you and her dad are engaged, this means things are becoming permanent, this is her last rebellion and she’s doing a good job by the sound of it.
My advice is quit trying to be the parent and please her, she’s 10, have her get her own coke, so she can’t complain, and when you get dinner try going out to places she can pick from multiple options… like a mall food court or something… but these are the big issues, the thing is easing things up between you two. Your going to be stuck with her after your married. So lets work on this realtionship before you work on being mom. Try to get down to her level, show some interest in what she’s interested in, if she likes music, listen and maybe research what type she likes so you can be in tune with what cool to her. Don’t over do it, but don’t be afraid to sit down and chill with her doing what she wants to do… Work on being her friend… and just having her accept you… she’ll respect you more and stop rebelling. Something to consider though, make sure she’s still getting one on one daddy time… cause it sounds like she may just be craving the attention she used to get… talk to your fiance and have him take a day just for her… Good luck, I hope this helps and that you guys are doing better before the wedding :)

Answer #2

That’s a typical 10 year old that wants her mother, and not some random woman with her father. Granted, I know you aren’t some random woman. But, the girl comes with her father, you can’t have one without the other. If it’s too much to stand, then I suggest talking to your fiancee and if you can’t think of anything together, maybe ending it?

Answer #3

I disagree with royalty23 you shudnt hit her,I don’t think that’s right tew hit kids.especially because she’s not your biological daughter soo I just don’t think you shudd dew that but I dew think you shudd tlk tew your fiancé bout her behavior..

Answer #4

You can try the ‘take it or leave it’ attitude. If she doesn’t want a coke, she’ll have to deal with it because you already got it for her and it cannot go to waste. If she whinges and cries about things, put her in a corner or remove certain privileges from her like dessert or TV. Tell her if she wants to act like a baby, she will be treated like a baby. Kids hate being called babies :D

Most importantly, get your fiancee in on this to enforce such discipline, or it’ll all be a one-sided battle for you.

Answer #5

Put yourself in her shoes. she has gotten the attention for being the oldest woman around her father. Now that yor fiance has all your attention instead of hers she just wants that attention back. Put yourself in her shoes and try to understand her more. I understand your side, but make sure she knows that your not taking her daddy away from her because thats what she might think. Her attitude to whats going on is terrible but you should understand why she is doing that and how she is feeling. Try helping her through it which will help you through her.

Answer #6

I think that maybe you should try this;

“What do you want for dinner? Can you help me make it?” “What sort of trip would you like to go on?” then “Okay, but you have to help me plan it, and pack for it.”

That is how a lady who I know that has 6 adopted children handles them.

If they absolutely rebel after trying that for a while she uses the “Take it or leave it, but dont complain to me” technique.

Answer #7

lol . This is when you should discipline her giv her the back hand and let her know what she got it for. FOR BEING A SOOK.. or anything else she does that get you on your last nerve. my neice huz 11 even worse pisses me off and I just get enough from her so I don’t care and giv her a hiding and tell her to stop and start acting more like an 11 yr old.. But I aint sayin giv her hiding just a smack on the bottom and just tell her please stop being fussy and get what shes given or else shell get a hiding newayz just do it shell still love yooh..hope all goes well or just tell your fiance to look after her otherwise youll just have to giv her the back hand

Answer #8

I had the same problem with my husbands boys. They hated me because their mother didn’t like me. They felt like they were betraying their mother. 7 years later we finally all get along. Mysterwolf had some really great advice for you. If she wants to act like a baby then treat her like one. Eventually when she realizes that she’s going to be disciplined for acting that way she will stop. How long have her parents been divorced? Because she might still be hoping that if she’s an annoying brat you might leave her dad, letting the door open for her mom.

Just make sure whatever you do that your fiance is also doing it and he agrees with you. A united front will help.

More Like This


Parenting, Education, Health and Wellness

Ask an advisor one-on-one!


Newborn photography, Maternity photography, Family photography


Step2 Direct

Outdoor Toys for Kids, Toys for Toddlers, Kids Toys Online


Riley Crossing Child Care

Preschool, Daycare


Grow With Me

Baby Products, Parenting Resources, Educational Toys


Kids N Cribs

Baby & Kids Furniture, Gliders, Car Seats