How are these poems?

I had to write 2 poems for english relating to some type of lesson we shoudl learn in life.I need some feed back on them…

Poem 1: You can’t trust every person you meet Some are good and others are bad You aren’t going to be friends for life Some things are unfixable Like a broken heart from being called Self-Centered or Annoying Even hearing things from other people hurts Some things come right out of the blue And you can’t do anything but cry You sit and cry You think about the person And realize they aren’t anything but a road block Preventing you from being the person you want to be You can’t always care what other people think It’s their opinion of you And sometimes it hurts Sometimes first impressions mean a lot That’s what you remember the most You can get blinded by their talents or looks But if that’s all that’s good about them it’s not worth the frustration We all learn this lesson Sometimes you know that the person is bad but can’t let go You keep looking at their picture Or something they gave you It’s a hard lesson to learn but we all go through it in life You just have to be yourself and find the people who care

Poem2: A pencil is more than what meets the eye It is a device that allows people to Write down thoughts, Draw a master piece, Or write to that special someone. A pencil is not permanent But not totally removable either. You can erase what you have written But won’t be completely gone. You can stitch a wound back together But when healed there will still be a scar You can say sorry to someone who just lost a loved one But there will still be pain. A pencil is so much more than a tool you use in math or science But a tool you can use to learn and grow from A lesson that needs to be sought out and learned by yourself

thanx for your help! xD

Answer #1

ok so let me be completely honest with you. now your poems are rhythmless. the way you write is, adequate. what are you trying to do? are you telling me to read between the lines, or what? I dont think you have enough similes. your first poem is not great. it sounds more like an epilogue rather than a poem. your second poem is better. why do you insist on teaching a lesson? it sounds so congested. you need to be free when you write poetry.but really who am I to tell you your poem isn’t good enough? you have potential. just try and put your heart into it.

Answer #2

NO, poetry doesn’t have to rhyme, but it does not have to rhyme to have rhythm.

And yes, you did state that, and I should of been more clear with my statement

“Some things are unfixable Like a broken heart from being called Self-Centered or Annoying”

I don’t’ think those are things to be upset about, some people are, and if someone calls another that, perhaps that person should evaluate themselves. Other than that, your lesson seems clear.

In the second one it seems as though you stray from it a bit. The lesson isn’t so clear. It seems shrouded rather than conveyed. Perhaps use a broader vocab while witting, it would strengthen your literature a bit. I’ld also suggest breaking it up into stanza’s to help add power to each section, but that depends on a person’s witting style

it has potential, however, to be brutally honest I can’t say they read like a poem to me- speaking personally. Then again I’ve high standards

Answer #3

ok so you ask for an opinion and I gave you mine and I didnt say rhyme I said rhythm as in flow. and you didnt say it had to be a lesson and dot get mad cause some one gave you constructive criticism.

Answer #4

the whole point of the assignment was to write about a lesson we should learn.and poems dont have to rhym.

Answer #5

agreed with kamari91

Answer #6

in the 1st sentence it said we had to write about a lesson we should learn in life.

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