Help me PLEASE

Calm down for a sec hun. First, I want to say that I think it’s considered safe and harmless if married men will want to look at pictures other women on the net… as long as he has his priorities straight. It’s okay if guys like to appreciate the female form, even if they are happily in a loving relationship. However, seeing as he has a picture of your friend in a teddy on his computer, I don’t think he has his priorities right. And on a side note, where did he get that photo, and why would your ‘friend’ give it to him?

So, have you tried talking to him about it? Try to make it a discussion, rather than an accusation that he is inattentive and insensitive towards your feelings. For example, tell him how you feel about him looking at pictures of other women on the internet, tell him that you feel that you need a bit more attention from him throughout the day, and suggest to him a compromise that is workable for you both. DO NOT point fingers and accuse him of being unfaithful, unloving, etc. You want him to open up and understand where you’re coming from, not get him insulted as he will clam up and get upset and defensive.

That’s how people in long relationships survive without biting each other’s head off. They COMMUNICATE. When you see that there’s a problem in the relationship, you bring it up with your partner and discuss it like adults, and come to a compromise that makes both sides happy. It cannot be a one-sided decision, because relationships are about sharing and giving, I know I don’t have to tell you that.

When both sides cannot come up with a satisfactory compromise, it’s healthy and wise to seek a median, such as a marriage counselor. You need a person in neutral ground, who will clearly not have a bias, to help give the couple a fair conclusion. Most couples fight hard for their relationship to work, and if they can’t work it out together, getting someone to help them is better than letting the problem simmer and stew until it gets out of hand.

And lastly, I want you to look inside yourself and try to put yourself in your husband’s shoes. Why do you think that he is looking at other women online? Is this a new occurrence, or has this been happening since the beginning and you have never said anything about it? If it is a new occurrence, why do you think he’s started such a habit? Could it be the gradual distance in physical closeness as the years of married life go by? Could it be that maybe you have been inattentive to his needs? What do you think that you can improve within yourself that could help with the situation?

As I’ve said, marriage and relationships are a two-way communication street. Both sides have to give as much effort as the other. You also have to try to understand where the other person is coming from. Discuss with your husband on how you can improve your marriage, and inject a bit of new passion into it. Put some effort into his needs, and encourage him to reciprocate. Good luck!