Is it really over?

I first met my ex- boyfriend six years ago and we have dated but it was nothing serious (a few weeks or so) but we have always been friends and a big part of eachothers lives… last year we started spending more and more time together and eventually started dating in february this year… we had so much in common, we finished eachother’s sentences enjoyed all the same things and had the same ideals and thoughts about everything,..like he was the only person who got me… we had our problems and fights but we always managed to get through it because we knew we had something so special. he always (for years) has said I am the girl he wants to marry no matter what happens with us now one day it would happen.. we started writing our finals (we’re in 2nd year varsity) a month ago and that’s where things went pear-shaped…we kept fighting about stupid things, we snapped at eachother and it just wasn’t pleasant but I figured we weren’t eating, sleeping or concetrating peoperly and that was it…so I finished my exams on monday and we started fighting when we went out and when we got back to his house he said he didn’t want to be in the relationhip anymore (he’s dun this before and we have gotten back together a few days later) he said I am his life and he loves me so much but he is not in love with me anymore.. I have booked tickets and paid for them to go away with him in december and we have so many plans for next year. I saw him yesterday and he held me and kissed me and said how crap this was and how hard it is but it has to happen… I just want to know if this is just a pohase he is going thruand he will want to be back together with me after a week or so or if he is really serious and it really is over??

Answer #1

Dear cimmanim, If you are not able to talk through your problems without leaving then I doubt this is going to work. Couples just don’t get up and leave for a few days thinking all their problems are solved and start over. He made his statement…he is not in love with you anymore…is that not enough of a hint it’s over. If you do get back together brace yourself for this to happen over and over again. As you get older you will adopt a rule of thumb…if we can’t discuss and solve our problems then we aren’t suited for each other. It is never acceptable for someone to leave for a day, a week and expect the problem to be solved. We love many people in our life times that doesn’t mean we are meant to spend a life time with them. He’s no longer in love with you…those are his words…could you ever, ever forget this? No!…time to move on. Sue…good luck

Answer #2

we kept fighting about stupid things…

You brought up a very common problem… people fight. People will ALWAYS fight. Even if you have nothing prominent to fight about; stress, financial issues, exams, etc. will inevitabley cause tension.

The problem is relationships can be ruined by this bickering, and since you’re so compatible together (like you’ve stated), and normally you’d have nothing to fight over, you’ll instead bicker over silly things. So you have to be aware of it, and not let the ‘stress-relieving’ fight ESCALATE to the point where you’re walking out.

Answer #3

Constant fighting over stupid things does take a toll after awhile.. And it most likely took a toll on your boyfriend. Yes he still loves you, but the part of being in love and with you - sounds like it diminished over time… with the fighting.

If he wants to get back in a week… could you really just pick up again and do it all over? How long will he do this every time it gets hard? Like Sue said.. its not acceptable for someone to just get up and leave.

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