How do I handle a friend who makes every issue about herself?

You could try talking to her about it, as a first step. People who are like this often don’t even realize that they are.. If it were me in this case I’d sit my friend down and say something like..

“Yesterday when we were talking I was trying to tell you something that was about myself. I realize that sometimes you, too, have things you’d like to talk about. When you change the topic to yourself, however, it makes me feel like you’re not really listening to what I have to say. Could you please try to not do that next time?”

And then I’d go from there.

If she is your close friend then you can talk to her nicely that she needs to stop before people around her get annoyed. personality do not need to be told, it is to be done. She does not stop, leave her alone or just do what Stefie tells you LOL…

Wow…harsh XD I would take that advice except the negative repercussions seem a tad high.

ahh yh, i tend to say it how it is, well just break the news gently then

I have unfortunately tried this before. It turned into a “You’re calling me a bad friend” fight…which i typically try to avoid.

Either do two things, accept her as she is or find other friends to hang with. Since you asked how to “handle” her, I’m assuming you would want the first option… which is great since you are reaching out for help. I have a friend who is just like this… it makes things difficult, doesn’t it? What I’ve learned to do is repeat whatever she just said to me about herself back to her, but slower. I don’t know why it works, but I think she talked about herself so much because she thought people didn’t listen. Once I let her know that I was paying attention to her when she talked, she was okay with moving on to other topics and letting me contribute. If this doesn’t work for you, talk to your friend about your feelings. I know how hard this can be, but sometimes it’s necessary. Just be clear with her as to what your expectations of a friend are. There are so many problems that can be resolved by talking.

Well.. if she doesn’t listen to you and makes everything about herself, unfortunately she IS being a bad friend. Friendships can’t work out if one friend is doing all of the listening, while the other just doesn’t care about the other friends’ feelings. I don’t like to argue with friends myself, but if you avoid all of the tough situations, you can’t really resolve them that way either.

I suppose you are right. Maybe I was just hoping for someone to know some crazy way that wouldn’t involve me having to actually confront her about it…

I think I will try that actually. Maybe it will work. If not I suppose I always have the fall back option.

If (s)he is funny and sexy, you should just let her go with it and laugh and appreciate the free enjoyment (s)he provides. If you have something equally interesting or funny to say, politely ask to chime in. If not keep quiet. If your friend is a mindless chatterbox with only inane comments, ditch him or her and seek out new friends worth listening to.

Good luck.

Another similar approach would be to first let her change the subject to herself, listening patiently and supportively and drawing her out to continue until she’s satisfied, and then return the conversation to the same experience or feelings of yours that you began with. With or without the “feedback” technique (which is often useful), the point is to make sure she is getting the attention she needs, so that she can also give you the attention you need.

Attention is like FA points: The stingier we are with them, the less we get. The more generous we all are with them, the more there are to go around!

i actually know exactly how u feel!! my best friend is like that..its really!!! annoying and it gets very frustrating..i honestly don’t know what to do..i’ve told her exactly how i felt and she will turn it on me somehow..doesn’t help shes attention deprived.

If you take the time to give her the attention she needs first, she’ll be much more likely to return the favor afterward.

Ah, you see it just seems I’m giving her all the attention and receiving none in return. Which is where the problems stems in the first place. It seems when I tried this she simply talked for hours switching between different subjects all of which involved her…and more recently her and that guy I hate and she she knows I can’t stand but brings up in conversation anyways…ah…i got off topic..sorry about that…

Try this: At the beginning of the conversation, before she has a chance to get started, say something like, “I’ve got something on my mind that I really need to talk about. It doesn’t have anything to do with you, but I really need someone to just listen to me while I vent for a while. Do you think you could do that?”

Getting her to agree to it first might make a difference for her. And if she says yes, that gives you “permission” to stop her later when she begins to interrupt: “I’m so grateful to you for just listening to me now, and I promise after I get this off my chest it will be your turn to talk all you want.”

What will make the most difference is if you can get the idea across to her of 1) listening without interruption (which you also have to be willing to do, even if it sometimes feels like hours), and 2) taking “turns” doing that, so that one of you speaks and one listens, and then you switch. If you can do that, then after a while it will become more natural between you and you won’t need to make it so formal all the time.

Oh, and do try chanelglit’s great idea of paraphrasing what your friend says back to her when it’s your turn to listen, to help her feel really heard.

let her blab and pretend you aint listening