Guy advise help!!!

Ok here’s the story… About three years back I was dating a boy but he was away at school 5 hours away… I would visit my best friend at her college once a week and there was a guy who made it clear he was interested… We had a thing and although I had a boyfriend it did make it to a kiss not to mention it came to the point where I was getting excited for the visits to go up and see him rather than her. He would ask me to break up with the guy I was dating at the time but for some odd reason I could not do it despite the fact I really wanted to… A year later I broke up with that same guy I couldn’t break up with before and then the guy who I had had feelings for was taken… To make it worse, by another friend of mine who had no idea of what was going on previously still does not know…

This was all about 1.5 years ago and they’ve been dating since… I always feel weird when i’m around the two of them because there is still something there so I try to make the encounters as rare as possible. However, recently on a trip where this guy and I were both at and his girlfriend was not… Alcohol provoked… We got to talking and the question of why I never ended things with my previouse boyfriend was brought up and yada yada yada… To make a long story short we ended up making up.. A lot… And now i’m left liking him a lot, questioning what the hell was wrong with me for not going for him a while back… And what the hell I should do about it now being he has a girlfriend (that he lives with)??? Am I an awful person…help!!!