Is It Best That I Just Give Up the Chase and Just Go Solo?

I’ve been asking for help from quite a few people for the last few days. I posted this question not too long ago, asking why people thought I was scared and if what I was doing was wrong:

“I’m 22 years old, in college and my relatives have been asking me why I haven’t dated anyone yet. I’ve met some boys and girls who are interested in me but I don’t want to go above a friend relationship with them. They’re nice, wonderful people and I love them dearly, but I just don’t see that kind of relationship budding between us. I just can’t feel anything romantic towards them. I’ve tried time and time again but it never went anywhere. On the other hand, though, I have been partaking in an….interesting practice. I’ve been having crushes on people who I know full well that I can never have for various reasons (i.e. I’m not their type, they’re gay, they’re taken, etc). I chase after them and whenever I’m refused (which is almost all the time and usually with disgust on their part) I just shrug it off and go after someone else. I don’t “show them a good time,” sleep around, or try to mess with them or the people they’re involved with. I’m not that kind of a person. Hell, I even make sure I make very limited contact, if any at all, with them. I do become a bit of a lovesick fangirl type, though, with actual admiration for them. However, whenever they like me back, I tend to lose interest because it indicates that I’ve failed and the illusion has been ruined. I get caught off guard because I’m usually expecting them to tell me to stay away from them once they get the slightest hint that I have a thing for them. At least then the thrill would remain and I can admire them from afar. For some reason, I like it better that they tell me to get lost than having them actually like me. If and when the latter happens, then it just gets creepy. It’s nothing against them, really. I guess I’m just in it for the thrill of the hunt. I like to have something that keeps me running, a carrot dangling in front of me instead of a solid goal post.

I told my parents about this and they dismissed it purely as fear and said that I had no clue what I wanted, which really frustrated me. I have no problem with being alone, in fact I prefer it. I just like thinking about unobtainable goals.”

I’ve got mixed results. I got quite a few responses anywhere from, “No, you’re fine.” to “You’re so immature/heartless,” and “Seek therapy.” (Yeah, right. I barely even afford ramen right now and they want me to get a shrink.) I guess it’s obvious that for whatever reason that I can’t really hold on to anyone. I can’t really get the forbidden fruit and I’m not interested in people who like me. I just can’t commit to anything higher than a friendship or family and I’m always going to be dreaming of the forbidden fruit no matter what because that seems to get me going. It’s a total addiction. I love the thought of being in love with someone and having them being forbidden just added more passion. I don’t go after people just to play with their minds. I actually do like them, but I know it wouldn’t work because I’m not really their type. I’m not much of a prize–just average (which begs the question why the others wanted me in the first place)–which is why I don’t hang around them much if at all. I also get caught off-guard when it turns out that they do like me. They were picture perfect on their own but then I was dumb enough to go too close and into the picture and it all fell apart. To me these people were like priceless works of art: beautiful and so full of life, but if I were to get too close, I could ruin everything.

The bottom line is this: Should I just give it up and just go through life solo?