Friends or more?

I recently went on vacation with a good friend of mine for 12 days. We had a ball together. After we got home he helped me through the loss of my brother and we’ve been hanging around a lot together. He told me that he wanted to move to Texas where we’d been on vacation together. Which is fine with me. I love being with him. He’s been volunteering to do all kinds of things for me and my family and so far has went through on everything he’s promised. He’s just getting out of his 3rd marriage and it’s not been nice. He says he never wants to get married again and it’ll be 4 ot 5 years before he even thinks about having a permant girlfirend.

The other night we had a very nice talk about our situation because he’s been staying at my house more than his and both of us wanted to know where we stood. He said that he’d hope that if I decided to see anyone else that I’d tell him before and that he would do the same. He’s told me to pick a bed room at his house and make it mine. That any time I want to be there I can stay. He said that if he would decided to see someone else that they would have to understand what mine and his relationship is and if they’re not ok with it they’d have to go becuase he will never give up what we have for anyone. He said he didn’t want to lead me on that he was looking for anything more than good friends right now but that 5 years down the road maybe who would know. He tells me that he loves me and is always there for me. Right now we’re really great friends that are almost living together. We have been together once but after we decided that we really needed to be better friends before that type of relationship got started between us because everytime he gets involved like that it doesn’t last more than a couple times and he doesn’t want to see them again. He said he didn’t want to screw up what we have and end up loosing me out of his life. There’s so much more but is he saying in a nice way that he just wants to be friends forever or is he trying to say maybe later stay around? I’m so confused and I don’t want to loose him as my friend but I would love for it to be more even if it’s later.

Answer #1

Sounds like he is genuinely interested in maybe more then friends but not now. He has made it pretty clear that he can not handle this type of relationship right now. Yet he also has made it pretty clear that he wants to be very close to you and have you in his life as much as possible. I think you have to be patient with him and give him some time. 5 years is too long for me but maybe a year or two to both make up your minds would do. Of course there are no guarantees but isn’t that the same then with other relationships? You’ve got a great foundation maybe you just need to be patient and see where this leads. Once thing is for sure, don’t let him be the only one setting the rules, you are allowed to set some too (ex.: wait for now, but decide in a year). Your needs are as important as his. Just talk it through and see where it leads :-)

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