Does the internet really count?

Whether or not it is an internet relationship is not the issue here. It is a relationship and so long as she treats it as one then nobody here can question her about it. You said that you actually offered them advice so that they could stay together and then decided to ask what on earth you were doing. What you were doing was being a good friend and respecting her choices. That is the path you should go down rather than trying to snatch her away from him.

She has made a choice and as hard as it may be to like/ understand it, you do have to respect it. If you start trying to cement yourself in her mind you could of course damage her relationship with this guy and it could in-turn cause a lot of damage to your friendship. You need to give this some time and have some respect for the fact that she has been this guy’s ‘girlfriend’ for two years. They obviously have some connection and to disregard that would be to betray her as a friend. You have to be patient and not be insatiable in relation to this. You sound like a good friend and it sounds as if she trusts you a lot. How ready are you to possibly jeopardise that?

As for ‘when’ you should take action, I think the answer is quite obvious. You should not be making any moves on this girl until (or unless) her relationship with this other guy is to fail. Do not try to put her in a position where she is caught between two guys because that could cause her a lot of grief. Just be patient and continue to be the valuable friend to her that you have been for so long. If you can be there for her as a friend then perhaps she will see something more in you that way (there is no need to really be assertive and force yourself upon her). Wait and see what happens with her relationship before even considering making a move.

Ultimately, I do understand that it is frustrating to be stuck in a situation like this, but think about this from her perspective and from her boyfriend’s perspective. They care about each other and they both want their relationship to work. Just because you don’t gives you no right to act on your thoughts there (that would be a selfish move). You need to just hang in there and value her as a friend for now. Who knows what might happen between you two in the future? Just don’t think about that now because at the moment, she needs her friend :).