I've never shared this, but I guess it's good to let it out. I was very close with my aunt..she called me her 'movie buddy' because we'd always go see a movie at least once a week. Well when I turned 16, I started doing my own thing... working tons, school, friends, boyfriend, etc.. Well, I kind of stopped hanging out with her as much, whenever she'd want to go to the movies, I'd put it off.... well, she tried to call me one day, but I ignored it cuz I was ''busy''... a week later, my grandpa told me she had open heart surgery, and died on the operating table.. she was trying to call me to ask me to go. It's devastating because I've lived with the guilt every single day.. for 4 years. No matter what anyone says, I won't feel better. It made me learn not to take ANYONE for granted..and always leave loved ones with kind words. :)
when i was 16 my mother decided high school was bad to me.. moved me to the middle of no where and left me to watch my 2 year old sister for weeks at a time by myself.. i wanted to die.. it went on for a year.. it was so wrong and unfair.. she is selfish.. finally i decided at 17 it was better to find my own way so i left and from there was a totally different story! if we're talking about lessons.. well, it certainly made me want to wait to have kids! kids are a lot of responsibility and it takes maturity to really care for them properly.. i felt so bad when i had to leave my little sister because she kind of thought i was her mom.. when i next saw her a couple years later she almost stopped breathing because she just couldn't believe she was seeing me again.. poor thing :'(Most worstest event
to= *forWhy is everything in my life falling apart ?
i got into these fights.
and the guy kicked me in the face. i was down and half out.
repaeatedly he kicked me in the face, head and ribs.
all i remember is seeing the blood, and hearing the shouting and screaming of a friend thinking i was dying.
i still, to this day have the reminders.
bumps and dents in my head. scars in a lot of places.
and the constant reminder that he could do it again
I've told this story a few times, so forgive me if I repeat myself a bit. Some of the words won't post either, so weed through the *'s and intentional typos.
On Jan 24th of this year, I was woken up by a pounding at my door. I thought it was some stupid kids because of the screaming, but I opened my door and found a woman crying, saying "Do you know this guy? He's de*d." I then looked right in front of me and saw a stabed, blo*dy man lying literally 4 feet from my house. I live in a townhome, so there are other houses directly connected to me, but this guy was in my section of the mutual yard.
I told the woman that I didn't. He had no socks on and looked like a homel*ss man from what I could see. I went inside to get my phone, called 911, and approached the body. Then I realized who it was. It was my neighbor from one townhouse over. He was engaged, scheduled to be married in 6 weeks. He was such a good guy, really nice, always helpful, would give his car to you if you needed it. I was in shock.
Outside of identifying the body, I was the one to go knock on his door and tell his fiance that the man she was going to spend her life with was de*d right in front of my house. I pounded on her door, she opened it, and then sleepily slammed it in my face. All I could do was scream "Morgan, it's Mike. He's DE*D." Over and over I shouted that at the door until she came outside. She ran to the body and fell to the ground.
I held her as she cried, and I stared at my neighbor's body there in front of my house. It was a suic*de, based on police reports. Some things make me think otherwise, but we won't get into that.
Long story short, I see his de*d body in my head EVERY day. Not a single day goes by that I don't refresh that in my mind. It was horrifying.
My father died when I was 10 years old. My last memory of him was watching him lie there dying and telling me he'll be just fine. It was pretty devastating to watch him leave in an ambulance knowing that was the last time I was ever going to see him....but I know now - he's just fine.Should I leave or sit here and waste my life?