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Am I ready to move on from my cheating ex?

I was with my ex for (I’m 26, he’s 29) 6 years and for the last 2 years he was seeing a girl he was teaching in school, he’s now still with her (even though she found out he’d been cheating on her too). I’m crushed and find it hard not to be bitter about the whole thing. We finished a year ago but I found out what he had done when I bumped into the girl 3 months ago (as I used to teach her too) I still find it hard to move on, we were best friends, how the hell could he do this to me!!?? I’ve dated others since, which has helped, and I’ve even met a fantastic guy who I’ve been with for over 3 months. However, as I’d only just started going out with him since a few weeks before I found out about what my ex had done I’m finding it hard to be ‘normal’ in our relationship. I told him everything and he’s been fab. We’re great together but when he leaves I fall to pieces again. I really like him but still find myself thinking about my ex and wondering if I’ll ever be able to be happy… What should I do? Am I ready for a relationship? My career has really flourished in the last 8 months but I’d love to start somewhere new - Australia being at the back of my mind… please could you help me fix my mental health!!

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Answer #1

Dear shakira, Being with a person 6 years is a long time and it’s no wonder you are still thinking of him. But you also know it’s time to move on. You need to have your EX totally out of your life…meaning no contact with him or his friends. No conversations about him and nothing to remind you of him. People become our habits after a long period of time and we need to replace habits with other habits. Find something you enjoy such as sports, exercise, walking etc. Never allow your mind to wonder to thoughts of him…replace those thoughts with thought of your future, your goals etc. If you are unable to manage this seek out counselling. There are many women’s groups out there that deal with break ups such as yours. They can teach you some very wonderful ways to handle it. Most of al remember the bad time and why you broke up…this usually makes it easy to see why we moved on in the first place. Sue….good luck

Answer #2

Firstly, I’m sorry to hear that this has happened to you.

Secondly, in my personal opinion I would suggest that you have a chat with your family doctor and ask them to put you forward for a referral for some form of talking therapy. I think you would really benefit from being able to work through this with a professional so that you can let go of the hurt and pain of the situation and be able to forge forwards with a new relationship.

Thirdly, I think, with regards to this latest relationship that it may be a good idea to wait a while. Give yourself time to heal from past hurt before you plough head first into another relationship. Take some time to be on your own, there is no pressure when you’re single and you can take the time to learn about yourself, what you want, who you want and why. Talk to your new partner, if they care for you as much as they say they do they’ll be happy to wait. Explain to them that you just need a little bit of you-time.

Believe me, you’ll be better prepared for love and a relationship if you give yourself some time to heal.

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