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What if I can't say no?

The reason why I am asking you personally is because I only want an answer from someone who regularly gives good advice, they will be able to understand my situation better. This isn’t an extremely dire situation however. I am simply overwhelmed by how I am constantly being asked for help with situations affecting my friends and family, I don’t know how to say no. Two of my good friends suffer from depression and are working through it, however they need me a lot and depend on me to always be there for them, which is difficult enough. I love helping people, but I just don’t know how to say “I’m sorry but I need to have a little time to myself,” without feeling like a jerk. Most of my friends know me to be the person to go to for advice, I feel like I’m the only one they trust to help them without judging. And for that reason I never stop talking on the phone or IMing advice to people, or going places to help out. I have very little time for myself but people depend on me, I don’t know what I can do. How do I say I need time to do my homework or to just relax when I have a friend who, for example, is in tears because her boyfriend dumped her? Or say this to a friend who is in a foster home and feels all alone? HELP!

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Answer #1

explain be like omg im so sorry but I have to___at the best, say oh, im not thjhat good at this and reccomend someone for them to talk to like oh. well trisha could help you. thats not a real name just so you know.

Answer #2

Explaining it to them would be best, yeah - tell them that, just like you help them all the time, they have to help you too, by giving you time for yourself, so it’s a fair game. Also, a more direct but efficient way to make sure you’re not bothered is just… don’t pick up the phone and don’t log on AIM. It doesn’t have to be interpreted as “oh s/he doesn’t want to talk to me” but as “s/he is probably busy or not there right now.” With all those methods of communication now we just make ourselves way too available and restrict our own free time. Just don’t answer when you know you can’t manage it.

Answer #3

Being the person that everyone turns to for help can get draining and tough. The way I deal with this best is to listen and give what help I can but at the same time I try and make sure that I have moments to myself where no one can reach me unless I want them to. You could also talk to your friends about how you feel and explain that there are moments when you need time to yourself. If they are true friends they will understand that you want to be there for them but you also need to live your own life and take care of yourself.

Answer #4

Thanks so much for all the advice- it’s really helped a lot.

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