Boyfriend's friend

Ugh. Okay. Last night, me and my boyfriend camped out in his garden in a tent with loads of his friends. Me, my boyfriend and my boyfriends male friend were sharing a quilt together… my boyfriend got really angry because he was cold and went inside..but I didn’t want to go with him. So I stayed outside. My boyfriends friend, I’l call him “Jim”… and I were together under the quilt…we were lay really close and the started to stroke my hand and then held it… I didn’t think much of it. But then he started to kiss my neck and then sat up and looked at me… he went to kiss me but I turned away. I mean, hes my boyfriends mate! So he lay back down and just cuddled me. I really liked being with him and he lay watching my sleep. It didn’t feel weird…it felt right. And now Jim has just told me he likes me.. ever since the Day he first met me. I don’t know what to do. Because I’m attracted to Jim.. but I really care about my boyfriend…we’ve been together 6months. Jim says that he knows nothing can happen between us because he said my boyfriend really loves me. But im not sure what to do. Am I staying with my boyfriend for the sake of not breaking up..or should I give me and Jim ago. Is it wrong? I think it is. But we are all just humans, right? Im really confused. HELP! :’(

Answer #1

Okay, this is definitely a complex situation and I’ll try my best to give you an answer which will be useful to you. Obviously there are so many things to consider here and that is what is making the thought-process so hard to keep composed.

Firstly you need to think about your boyfriend. The two of you have been together for 6 months and that is an exceptional effort in the modern age. Most young couples have trouble getting through even the first two or three months and I think the amount of time you have been together suggests something. You also need to think about the quality of your relationship (not just its longevity). Think about your compatibility with your boyfriend and how you feel about him. Think about what makes him a good boyfriend as well as all the things he has done for you during your relationship and how happy he has made you feel.

If you have a very strong relationship then it is possible that this is just curiosity. In situations like these (which are very sudden and confronting) we get a bit lost. It is possible that it has been the initial impacts of you sleeping with Jim that have made you feel connected to him in a way and it’s possible that you simply need some time to think. However, this is obviously not always the case.

Aside from your relationship and your boyfriend, you must also consider Jim. It is by no means insatiable or wrong to leave one person for another. We are all (well most of us :P) looking for the perfect partner and we all have the right to search for him/ her. If you and your boyfriend weren’t meant to be, then that’s just how it is. If you have strong feelings for someone else, then that could well indicate that your partner has not been good enough (or perhaps not compatible enough) to hold onto you fully. There are two sides to this aspect of the situation.

Sometimes when we are in a relationship and then start to like (or become interested in) another person, this is actually the product of the lackings of our current partner. If your partner does not offer certain things that the other person can, then it is natural to at least become curious. When it is the important things that are lacking or there are simply a lot of things that your partner cannot/ doesn’t offer you, then it is natural to even emotionally drift and start to like someone else. If there are things that you see in Jim that you do not see in your boyfriend, then it is likely that this factor is playing a part.

If you are having any problems with your boyfriend, you have to talk to him and make your problems known. If you suffer in silence, he will not know if there is anything wrong and the two of you can only drift further and further apart. Leaving you outside in a tent with another guy isn’t exactly a good image and that could also be playing on your mind, though it is difficult to tell. You need to start weighing up the positives and negatives of each person (in terms of ‘boyfriend’ status). Also consider more recent events of course. Were you this comfortable when you slept with your current boyfriend for the first time? If not, why? There are a lot of questions that you have to ask yourself in this regard. Then you need to ask yourself why you felt so comfortable with Jim that night.

Ignoring the superficial superiorities of either person (eg. their looks or their wealth), consider everything you know about each person. What could Jim offer as a boyfriend and what do you see in him that has led to you drifting somewhat (emotionally) from your current boyfriend? Think about your boyfriend and whether or not he is being the boyfriend you deserve as well. In other words, you have to weigh up the benefits of being with either person.

You are with someone who cares about you a lot and who you care about just as much. You have been with this person for six months and you are very comfortable with him and trust him. Then you have somebody that you are interested in, who likes you (and has for some time), who you are comfortable with and who really wants to get to know you better (and who I’m sure you would like to get to know better). Often people get lost and give up on the thinking process in these situations. Instead of weighing up their options and trying to resolve the issue of who they like more and who is ‘right for them’, they settle for the simplest line of thought; which is that they like two people.

If you can do the necessary thinking and identify (within yourself) which person you like more and which person you think will make a better partner for you in the future, then that will give you some closure. Consider your own feelings and act in accordance with them. You cannot stay with someone if you like somebody else more or simply find it hard to be with them when you are thinking about somebody else so much (remember that). We are only human and these things happen more than you’d think. Think about your options and what each person means to you, as well as what they could/ will mean to you in the future and I’m sure you will figure out what to do. Think long and hard and take as much time as you need to do so.

You may wish to consider talking to your partner about this issue, but I would advise against that seeing as it could unsettle him. Only talk to him if there are lackings in your relationship which may be pushing you away (and towards Jim). Ultimately, the decision is yours and no one here can really decide what is best for you. We can only help you understand your options better. You can make comparisons, identify the positives & negatives of each person (and being with each person), etc. There are many things to think about, but it ultimately comes down to the simple resolution; and that is that you should be with who is best for you. Find out who that is and then make your decision. I hope that helps :)!

Answer #2

well if you feel right with your bfs friend then you should go with it…your boyfriend wil be mad and ask why but you have to tel him the truth.. he’ll b hurt and mite sever al the reationships with both of you guys but if you guys think the other is worth it then try… fun mail me if you have any problems

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