Big stepp... sex

Im scared of having scared… I feel im ready and all its just the thought of getting caught and the fear of getting pregnant. I am going to the doctors to ask about birth control pills and my boyfriend is also going to get condoms, and were trying to do as much as we can to be safe, like pulling out and not gonna be doing it rough. Well as you can guess im a virgin, I am and my boyfriend is too; we’ve been together for a year and a month and were 16 and we have taked about doing it when were 18 when we have our own place… but now we really know we want to do it together because we love each other, but I get this mix emotions that im scared as its a big step for me and im afraid to get pregant and ruin our whole future… I’m used to be the type of a person whose against sex before marriage until I met my boyfriend. What should I do? should I still do it anyway or not? what do you think?

Answer #1

Maybe this can help you make the right decision…


  1. Everyone’s doing it. First of all, you’re not “everyone.” You are a thinking person who can make your own good choices. Second, everyone’s not doing it. It just seems like it sometimes. It’s true that about half of teens today are sexually active. But that means half are not having sex. Of course, you wouldn’t know that from watching movies or television! Sex sells, so they show it. Even if what is constantly on the screen looks good and makes you curious or anxious to try it yourself, remember that most of what you see is a lie. Models are airbrushed, sex scenes are carefully choreographed, and the relationships shown aren’t real. The media’s purpose is to entertain. It rarely focuses on the inner feelings of individuals with goals and values. Don’t buy the lie that life revolves around people having sex.

  2. I enjoy sex. Do you really? Most teenage girls don’t. They find it rushed, unromantic and awkward. Many feel empty and used, with regrets in the morning. Studies prove the best sex is married sex with its vows of love and security. Sex, like fire, is powerful, wonderful and important. But both are also potentially dangerous. Fire in the fireplace is safe and enjoyable, while flames that get out of control can be horribly destructive. The same is true with sex. Physical intimacy in a fully committed, faithful marriage is awesome. Outside healthy boundaries, though, it is unfulfilling and without true promise. Girls do not enjoy short-term pleasure when it ends with long-term pain.

  3. I like that it gives me control. Sure, you can get a guy to breathe heavy and be lost in the passion of sexual pleasure. You can get a temporary thrill. But let’s be honest. You’re sacrificing some of your own good character. Also, things that seem controlled can spin out of control quickly (And please don’t kid yourself that oral sex isn’t sex - it has all the same risks of unmarried intercourse except pregnancy). Sexual response is natural in guys. Just because your boyfriend is turned on doesn’t prove anything about his feelings or intentions toward you. You’ll be smarter to spend your time on worthwhile things that you totally control and can be proud of in the long run. Do a job especially well, become more disciplined in your studies, eat healthier, change your hair color, etc. And, know that waiting for marriage shows ultimate control of your own body.

  4. It makes me feel loved and attractive. Unfortunately, what you feel is not necessarily real. Oh, a guy might say the right things to make you feel good about yourself. He may compliment you on what you are wearing (or not wearing!). And you might respond to those flattering words, especially if you don’t feel loved unconditionally by your dad. But, here’s the sad truth. Young men in general don’t have to love a girl - or even find her attractive - to have sex with her. Want to feel truly special? Try joining a club or sports team. Volunteer, find a church youth group, write a letter-to-the-editor, work out, deepen a friendship, baby-sit, connect with your parents or become responsible for a pet. A woman is truly beautiful because of the character she develops. Any guy worth dating will affirm that in positive ways. He will appreciate things about his girlfriend other than the possibility she might be “available.”

  5. I’m in love. He’s the only one I’ll ever be with. Why don’t you take a poll, asking women if they thought their first boyfriend would be their one true love? Many gave away their virginity with the idea that feelings of love and commitment were mutual. But the truth is that the younger you are when you start having sex, the more partners you will likely have over your lifetime.1 Very few women are now married to those first boyfriends. That means each woman had to explain something to the man she chose in the end: He was not the first to unwrap what should have been her beautiful wedding gift to him. The decision of who will have the honor of being your husband takes time, maturity and life experience. You will have greater difficulty in forming and sustaining a stable marriage and also in finding personal happiness if you begin sexual activity in your teens.2 Waiting is so worth it!

  6. It brings us closer together. It’s natural that you would feel close. Women do feel bonded emotionally to their sexual partners. Men are not wired that way, however. Their primary focus is on physical satisfaction. So, you might get along better on the surface because you are both having your immediate needs met. But, you shouldn’t mistake that for real intimacy. What you really need is to have common interests and beliefs. If you don’t have fun eating out, going to a movie or just talking, you don’t have a solid relationship that will last. In fact, you might stay with a boyfriend longer than you should because of what you have invested physically. The eventual break up will tear you apart as you grieve over what you gave away and can never get back.

  7. We’ve dated a long time . . . it’s the next step. It’s true there is a natural order to things. For sexual intimacy, it’s best to be friends first with a slow progression toward marriage (and an exciting honeymoon!) and then possibly parenthood. When sex is put first, it can negatively impact everyone involved: • Children born outside of marriage who often grow up in single parent homes. • Women who now can’t have kids because of damaging STDs they got from sexual partners along the way. • Parents who had hoped their teens would not have the worries and dangers that come with teenage sex. Be smart. Set limits (no touching in bathing suit areas) before each date. Surround yourself with supportive friends and go out with guys who respect your stand. Stick with healthy first and next steps in your dating relationships.

  8. My boyfriend will break up with me if I don’t. Breaking up is a possibility whether you are having sex or not. Nothing outside of a faithful, committed marriage has promise. And think about it. If your boyfriend says you are special enough that he wants to share bodily fluids, shouldn’t he think you’re special no matter what? Is a guy worth having if he threatens to move on because you won’t take physical risks with him? There are a lot of great guys out there who won’t put that kind of pressure on you. There are some very responsible guys who won’t get you drunk so that your defenses are down, giving you an “excuse” to have sex. (FYI - More than a third of sexually active young people report that alcohol or drugs have influenced their decisions about sex.)3 There are guys who will agree with and support your decision to save sex for marriage, guys who will respect you, now and in the morning. Hold out for one of those guys. They do exist!

  9. I owe it to him. So, he treats you well. Maybe he buys you beautiful jewelry and gets you things you need but can’t afford. Or, he takes you exciting places and helps you get through difficult family circumstances. A desire to thank a generous boyfriend is totally appropriate. But, there are lots of ways to express gratitude that don’t involve sex. Be creative: Cook him a delicious dinner, go with him to a ball game, bake brownies, make a scrapbook, frame a picture, write a poem or run an errand for him. A relationship is not a game where you keep score. Your body is not some prize to be awarded to the lucky winner. Don’t ever tell yourself - or let a guy make you feel - that you “owe” your boyfriend. After all, unselfish people give their kidneys to complete strangers and even they don’t expect sex in return! 10. It’s not that big a deal. There are a lot of young women who would tell you differently. In fact, one survey says that of those who have had sex, 8 in 10 young women ages 13-21 wish they had waited longer (6 in 10 guys say so).4 It becomes a big deal when it catches up with you. Consequences could include any one of 30 sexually transmitted diseases! Bacterial STDs don’t always have symptoms. They are often untreated and unknowingly passed on to others. Viral STDs have no cure. None. And, of course, there is a chance of pregnancy. Condoms and birth control pills are not always effective. They are definitely not the answer. Every year one in four sexually experienced teens acquires an STD and about 1 million teenage women become pregnant.5 Even if these issues do not affect you, emotional, social or spiritual scars may impact you long past the teen years. The risks of unmarried sex - disease, pregnancy, disappointment, heartache and loss of self-respect - are not worth it. You may already know that if you’re sexually experienced. What you should also know is that each day is new and full of opportunities for different decisions. Don’t think because you’ve made poor choices in the past that you can’t start making better ones today. There is complete pride in being a virgin, but there can also be pride in knowing better and then doing better. Picture your best future. Remember that what you do now will affect you later.

Answer #2

First off I think it’s really great that you and your boyfriend are being really responsible about having sex and getting informed about different types of birth control. I think knowing a bit more about what your doing can make the experience more pleasurable and help you relax and not worry so much. On top of it, being informed means having control over when you get pregnant and not just leaving it all to fate. So congratulations on that! Next, as you can see you are more then scared, you are terrified! You even wrote “I am scared of having scared”. I think that if you are that scared about having sex then why don’t you wait a bit. Get informed but take your time. After all what’s the rush? If you guys really love each other then taking your time will just make it all the more special won’t it? Maybe you need more time to discover your bodies, and feel comfortable sexually together. I suggest spending more time doing sexual stuff that doesn’t involve penetration. Having sex is a big step and it is normal to be nervous and need time to feel comfortable. The great thing is that you can talk about this openly to your boyfriend and you both love each other. I think it is really important to have sex with someone you love. Also the fact that you have just recently changed your mind about having sex before marriage means that you should take your time to really think about what this means to you and how you feel about it. Once you are at peace with yourself and understand why you have changed your mind then you won’t need us to tell you what to do, you’ll know what is the best for you. No one else can tell you what you should do because it is your body and your life but my best advice is take your time and only do what you feel is right for you.

Answer #3

I didnt get pregnant my first time. just use a condom and birth control if you can get it.

Answer #4

I dun know whats wrong with everyone.Its like you cant live without sex.Society is being flushed down the toilet.

Answer #5

it is clear you are torn about this. and before you have sex, you need to be 100% sure you are ready. you are not. dont do it. if your boyfriend really cares about you he will understand.

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