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BIG LIAR WHILE BIG SPENDER

Hi. While most wouldn’t consider my situation abusive, I feel abused. My husband squanders our money & spends it on God-knows-what while I need doctor’s appointments, prescriptions, & co-pays for treatment of anxiety & depression. He was awarded a $50,000 settlement for a back injury & blew half of it on nothing he has any show for! He constantly lies about where our money goes & doesn’t provide receipts for proof. I’ve taken control of our cash, & now he is very bitter & resentful toward me. I’ve had to follow this route because we have a four-year & a baby on the way, & if I allow him to carry on this bad habit, I believe it”ll contribute to my depression. 

      I've tried to be sweet & understanding, but he takes my kindness for weakness & finds room to sneak out more money & fit in more lies, so now I'm playing hardball!  I have to:  I'm a Mom!  He's been advise to hand over his paychecks.  If he needs a certain amount of money for the work-week then I must approve the amount & reason ie.  coffee & lunches can just be brought fom home.  (I was the bread-winner two years of our marriage & brought my own lunches from home - - even pregnant & around restaurants with scrumptious food!)  Do you think  my new method is too domineering?  Am I being too controlling myself?
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Answer #1

No you are not being controlling. You are just being smart, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with it.

Answer #2

There are obviously deeper rooted problems here than the money issue. It sounds like there is no equality in the relationship and that you are trying to instill some, but it’s not working. you two should seek professional marriage counseling together, especially with your history of depression.

Answer #3

Thank you so much, ladies. I really appreciate that a lot. I’ve truly considered what was said by both sides. I wonder what the gents have to say.

Answer #4

Dear lamb1, You are making this situation worse…for anyone to ask for money in a relationship is demeaning isn’t it. You marriage is filled with problems and you both need to seek marriage counselling. His behaviours are wrong but so are yours. You a supposed to be partners in every part of this marriage. He is not your father to control the money you are not his mother to control the money. A financial advisor can help with the bills…the marriage counsellor will have this info for you. You child is wittiness to both your behaviours and you are teaching this child some bad habits. Sit down with him and discuss a plan that benefits you both fairly. Sue….good luck

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