Am I feeling love or wanting security?

I was engaged December of 2001 and I cheated on him while he was in the Navy October 2002. The reason I cheated was because I wanted HIM to break up with ME so that he wouldn’t be as hurt. It made sense at the time…Well I married the guy I cheated on him with and got pregnant in December 2002. I’d known the guy since I was 16 (I’m 24 now) and thought he was the one I’d always wanted and plus he was HERE and not in Florida. We had a big fight in January 2003 and I left him to live with my grandparents. I found out we weren’t legally married as he hadn’t divorced his last wife. I got on the phone to my ex-fiancee and after the total truth (and 3 months of begging) we got back together and are engaged again due to marry in October. He has agreed to adopt my little girl who was just born July 31st and her “sperm donor” doesn’t believe she is his which works for me as I don’t want him involved anyway. Lately my feelings for him have been “questionable” as in I’m not sure if I’m in love with him or just want the security the Navy will give me and my child after being run through hell with my last ex. At times I love him and sometimes he makes me so frustrated and angry I wonder why I wanted him back in the first place. What do you think? I know this decision is mine to make but I just need an outsider’s opinion. Thanks…