Am I A Bad Mother?

I think you shud go back to court to make sure you get to see your daughter if you dont when she gets old ennough shes guna find you and wanna know why you didnt fight to see her shes a lil girl I cant see how any mother can go without seeing not only there lil girl but their child period…I hope you do something I have a 2yr old son and I love him to death and there is no way in hell no one wud take him away from me unless the lord did..good luck

Well, the fact that the father was granted primary custody says a lot to me. Did you give up primary, because unless something is going wrong with mother (drug use, alcoholic, negligence, abusive,etc) or the mother gives up primary, it usually goes to the mother with the father granted vistation. Also, you are not allowed to be with your child without supervision,that is another red flag for me. You said that you have not gone to any period of visitation because u “assumed” they wouldn’t let you see her for the entire 24 hrs or let you stay in their home for the 24 hour period. You’ve had chances to see your daughter but didn’t take them. I’m sorry, but by what you have written I can’t have a lot of sympathy for u. If you were really trying by paying your child support on time (which you don’t mention,only how much he was awarded) and showing up religiously for visitation whether it was for the entire 24 hrs or 1 hour I would support you fully and say that you should go back and ask for changes.

But, seeing as you haven’t made an effort to see your child and that they have changed their number for some reason I don’t feel you deserve more than what you have now. you don’t bother to go for what you have now. Why should you be granted more. And $350 a mth is nothing for raising a child. He may have built-in childcare but the other things add up quickly. You asked and I’m answering based on all that I stated above—yes, I feel you are a bad mother, completely. I can’t imagine being away from my daughter now and she’s 13(I miss her when she goes to sleepovers) but to have been separated from her at that age and NEVER made an attempt to see her?? I would have lost my mind!!!

ok, may I ask how he got the custody? I mean, traditionally the men don’t, was there a reason? or grounds for him making you feel this way? I do agree with twilightmom that you have supervised access and him having custody would be my first concern…fine, men get custody all te time, but to be only offered very limeted supervised access means there must be some concerns over ability to care for that child. however, assuming that you did have a problem and have got over them, then you need to make things better, if you really want to you can…baby is just two years old, and highly unlikely to remember whats going on now to be honest. so NOW is the time to iron out all these problems. if you want to see your baby, nasty divorce or not, you should see her.

splitting up with a partner is NEVER EVER easy, my little boy is 10 and I’m STILL having problems with his dad…he see’s his dad every other weekend and somehow, we manage to argue (well, that was until I refused to talk to him anymore and have been going through his girlfriends for the last 6 months…bliss!) anway, sorry, the point is, custody problems normally stay that way…for some reason people seem to treat their children and property or ammunition…and they’re not, they’re little people who have got rights to choices of their own.

the only thing you have to do is re-organised visits and prove that you’re reliable…if you’ve not been to the ones offered, you need to be patient and prove yourself. but if you genuinly feel that your child would be better of, then fine, loose contact…but one day, she will turn up on your doorstep and want answers…and you saying you thought it was best for her probably won’t cut it…

if you want to do the best for your little girl and you think you can care for her better then fight for her, having a child with someone is saying ‘I want you to be in my life forever’ - no matter what sadly…trust me, I could have made better judgements on some things! but I do know, from having a child from a split parantage, a child with my husband and he has a child from his previous relationship, that these things are never simple (trust me…my life is a juggling act!) but it’s worth it, and to do the best by the children is doing the best FOR THEM, not for anyone else. prove your a good mum, prove your reliable, pay the maintanence (it’s about her having what she needs, not you paying so you can see her) - be so responsible that they can’t throw anything in yourface or criticise you for anything…

this is about you taking back control and being the mum you want to be…x

Normally I would tell you to take them back to court because they have no right to “shorten” your visitation BUT you haven’t even tried to see your daughter. There is not a court in this world that will look kindly on you. If you want the full 24 hours then you have to start going to see her (no matter how long they let you there).

As for the child support…the courts don’t care if you ever see her. Child support and custody are two different things. You can pay child support till she’s 18 and never see her…if you go to court and say that you don’t see her why should I have to pay they will tell you that it’s your responsibility to help support your child, whether you see her or not.

Start going to the visitation…become her mother again. Do what is best for your child. If you go and they kick you out after 4 hours then you will be making a case against them (write down every time they cut the visitation short). If you are trying the courts will not look kindly on anyone that is preventing you from being with your daughter.

Just remember to not give up, your daughter is worth so much more than that.

Don’t understand why you didn’t go to any visitation opportunities your daughter - nothing was her fault - this doesn’t help your child-support consideration case - Me, I would pray for guidance, strive to do the right thing now and make up, if able, for lost time…I wish you the best !!

You had sex, now deal with the consequences. If you don’t help to pay for raising the kid, and you make no attempt to see her, then yes, you are a bad mother and a bad person.

I too, think there must be legitimate reasons your ex got custody of a 2 year old…and that yours are “supervised” for a short time a week…

If you’re wanting MORE visitation, then it has to built up upon the visitation you have now…that’s the only way. Quit using “it’ll confuse the child” as a rationalzation and justification for never having visited her…It’ll confuse her more if you just show some day, and she doesn’t know who you are.

p