A page out of my diary............any explanation?

this is a page out of my diary i wrote when i was sad, pls explain to me why i am feeling that way:
There are just some things that I can’t talk about with my friends, or my family, or even the closest person to me, my sister, she’s too young for it. She doesn’t like talking about that stuff. I mean, well, it’s sort of a story about a relationship I started early this year, and I had never experienced anything like it so far, until now.
It is about this boy, who I had heard was coming to school after he had left to go to Saudi Arabia. He was known to be a smart, brilliant and very intelligent boy and all of my classmates told me I would competing against him for first rank in the year’s academic performance. And then, I realized, that I was going to be meeting a greal ally and rival once and for all.
All his friends had warned him of my intelligence too, and I cant deny that, though. He wrote a paper expressing how he was so eager to being me down and beat me in the competition. And he kept it in a memory box.

The first school day, I saw him. He had a sister called Salma, just like my sister. I hadn’t had the courage to face him and speak to him on the first day, but the 2nd day I faced him and we had been revising the Arabic hw together. The first time we spoke, we said the same thing, the same answer at exactly the same time. We kept on laughing, and that is when he had his best friend and I had mine. Any way, one day, my close friend, not my best, but just a friend, told me that the new nerd in school, as in him, loved me and I didn’t believe her. It was new to me, to be loved or liked by someone. She went to ask his other friend and he told her it was true. When I found out, I was extremely puzzled!!! It seemed too good to be true!!! Me, a superficial nerd, actually LOVED by someone? IT was too great to bear!!!

The first time he spoke to me on the phone, we both asked for each other’s emails at the same time, to chat and so on. I gave him mine and he gave me his. I was so so happy. Then one day, he confessed while chatting, in front of my best friend, that he loved me. He even gave me his mobile number the last day in school, and we were together, I mean in the bus, because he was going out in my district and neighbourhood. We had loads of fun.

The next term, he started to somewhat change. I started sensing he began to interact a lot with girls and so, I started to get worried. I started to think that he was developing a relationship with a close friend of mine, who was loved by, say, most of the school. My prediction was true. One day he told me that he couldn’t stand my suspicions and he wanted us to break up and become no more than friends. It was his decision and I couldn’t stop him, but I knew it was not for that reason, but because he liked my friend. I felt sad and mad, I started crying a lot in the nights, but then I began to get used to it. Then he called me and tried to make out with me, but I couldn’t say yes bec. He had already broken up with me and he wanted us to be back, but I felt the decision he had made was best for both of us to live in peace without fights and quarrels. He actually CRIED on the phone when I told him that. He broke my heart again when he called me and told me he wanted to tell my friend he liked her. I hung up after telling him my mum wanted me, as I couldn’t face him, and I didn’t know what to say. I called my friend, Fatma, and told her everything. She will solve the problem, but what I wanna make clear is how come after this long year, he would love me and manage to break my heart so fast? I mean I did see it comin and I expected it, but not too soon.
I must confess I still love him, but every day my love decreases more until it becomes to the rate of nothing more than pure simple friendship. If he wants us to stay together, he will have to try soon and fast, and quickly before he loses me and goes searching for another perfect match who doesn’t exist. Cause I am confident he will never find as understanding and dear to him in his heart as me. Without bragging, but that is the way I feel about him too. I love him, but I am strong and I can try to go on without him bec. I think my fate is with another boy out there who really deserves me for who I am, and not what he wants me to become. Glad to be honest, and I hope when he reads this letter, he will realize it is HIM I am talking about, I will give a hint, he is a guy who broke my heart after it was broken once, and he failed to pull it together again!!! I hope he realizes one day that it is not okay to toil with others’ emotions like that, even if I was his 4th or 5th gf!!!!

2 answers

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ANSWER #1 of 2

Wow. Okay, first of all, I just want to say you seem to throw the word "love" around a LOT. And it's just not like that, love is special and takes a lot of time to grow and develop. I didn't truly understand that I love my boyfriend until 2 years into our relationship, and even now it's still developing after over 6 years. You have to understand that, what you're feeling is infatuation and not love. And infatuation or having a crush on someone can be very volatile during teen years, you never know how someone is going to feel a month or two down the road. So, it sounds like this guy did like you, for a while, but then lost interest and wanted to break up. However, he got desperate and missed having a relationship, so he tried to get you back. When you rejected him, he's trying to make you jealous thinking somehow you'll see you still care about him and will want him back, or maybe he can get another relationship somewhere else. Either way, he sounds too immature for a relationship, you should move on and concentrate on something else more worth your time. Good Luck.
P.S. Now, just because I think you and him don't love eachother but more have crushes on eachother (or really "like" as it is put these days) doesn't mean I don't think you can be heartbroken or for it to mean a lot to you. Just try to move on and forget this guy, he's not worth it if he's so immature.

ANSWER #2 of 2

You are not going through anything that millions of people your age aren't going through.

Personally, when a guy is hurtful and mean and breaks your heart and then says he wants to still be friends", my knee jerk reaction is to say "I'm sorry, I don't have friends who behave towards me the way that you do." ANd walk away and don't deal with him again.

Screw that guy.

Hes in love with me, but dosent love me yet

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