A long rant about my boyfriend...looking for mature answers.

I am fifteen, turning sixteen in about two months. I am a devoted Christian, but my boyfriend is not. He is not an Athiest or anything, and reminds me often that he will always respect me and my Faith, and I believe him. My parents don’t know I am with him, and have told me I was not allowed. I told him yes, and I knew they wouldn’t like it, so I hesitated to tell my mom until about a week later. They weren’t hard on me, and they didn’t yell, they just said I couldn’t date him. I feel bad because I’m going behind their backs, and I feel like I’m sinning because of the verse that says “don’t be unequally yoked…” My boyfriend says he feels bad that I have to lie to them to be with him, and I think I am very much in love with him, and he says it’s returned. I’m trying to keep God first in my life, and it hasn’t been too hard. He’s very receptive to what I have to say about Christianity, and says he’d even consider looking into it. That night my parents said I had to end it, though, I called him with the intention of ending it. But he was just totally torn down by it. And I felt that he would think I led him on to think an attractive older girl finally really digs him, and then ended it a week later. You should’ve heard how sad he sounded…I couldn’t do it… So the first problem is, I love him and my parents, but I know I cannot keep them all happy without lying… and I love my God. First question: How can I be as mature a Christian as I can while dating a non-Christian and making the decision that I won’t break up with him for that reason? I am trying to be a really good girlfriend. He’s sort of the type of guy who wouldn’t be very attractive to most girls [even my friends have said this, hahaha] but to me, he’s ridiculously attractive. I’ll go ahead and say sexy. And I try to remind him how impressive and funny I think he is every day, and he seems to really like it, and he compliments me a lot and will never let me say I love him more. And he’s a freshman while I’m a sophomore, and I think it makes him feel good that someone older might be interested in him. I really want to make him happy a lot. He isn’t a Christian, like I’ve said, but he has the “straight edge” values, and has gone by them despite a lot of his friends being druggies, and he’s really confident. We’ve been dating three months, and have never really even gotten into a quarrel of any kind. I don’t try to start them, and neither does he. When we have a problem, we are always able to talk about it easily. We talk on the phone almost every night until about three in the morning. The second problem is that he’s not horny exactly, but I feel like I’m not physically pleasing him enough. We weren’t friends very long before we started going out, and we were really shy when we did start. We don’t have a lot of time to ourselves, especially because my parents can’t know. As I’ve said, I love making him happy by saying complimenting him a lot. But he’s also a really touchy-feely guy. I’m fine with that. He gives great hugs, and he always wants me to sit on his lap and hold hands, and he’s great at making out. We haven’t gone any farther than making out, but whenever we talk online, he always says suggestive things. Never blatantly, “I want to have sex/you to give me head” or anything like that, because I’ve told him I’m waiting for marriage and he’s said he respects that and actually thinks it’s wise. And I believe him. I don’t think he’d ever try to make me do anything I wasn’t comfortable with. But he is a guy, younger than me, too, and a very hormonal guy. I love him with all I got. And we’ve both admitted to daydreaming about each other…I mean it’s normal for teenagers to fantasize about people they find attractive, right? Well, he always says he loves making out and jokes about how he wants to steal me away and take me places so we could “live a life of love”, and he has this joke-fantasy of me minus clothes plus maple syrup. Hahaha, he’s really weird, but I know he’s always joking. And I humor him, and try to say things that’ll turn him on. But I think by all his jokes he’s trying to get across that he wants to do more, possibly. He respects my boundaries I can tell, but I don’t want to seem like I’m ignoring all his hints that he wants more. I’m glad I don’t have a relationship that isn’t based on physical attraction and attention alone. But I don’t want to do anything I’ll regret. But I want to make him happy so much. So my second question is how can I, a devoted Christian, please my boyfriend physically without sex. And by sex I mean oral and anal and straight up. What are some things guys really like. Little things that I can do or say to show him I am physically attracted to him. I just don’t want him to think I don’t think he is because he’s a LITTLE on the heavy side, and most girls don’t find him appealing like I do. Just…how can I turn him on/make him feel loved?

Answer #1

you are in a very tuff stage in your life, where you have to make a diffucult choice.either you chooce god or your boyfriend. if you marry your boyfriend then that means that you disobyed god as jesus says in 2 corinthiens 6:14. if you are christian you look hear God’s voice and obey it . your answer is in your bible and exactly in that verse. I understand you because I have been through this.I have sacrificed my love because I dont want to make a sin by marrying someone not christian . iam jesus girl and I will do as he tells me because jesus comes first in my life. I know it;s hard and painful , but god will comforrt and support you .Don;t make a mistake by marrying him just do as God’s tell you. iam still in pain but iam happy that I sacrificed my love for the sake of jesus as he sacrificed himself for me on the cross. don’t you think that owe jesus???

Answer #2

1st of all, You are young and I know you hate to hear that, but …to be honest , do you think he is “the One” for forever? Honor your parents and in the meantime still be friends with this guy..I know it may seem tough, BUT if he truely is for you, he will be later down the road as well and maybe by your example , which is as a Christian way better than any words spoken, you are showing him Christ..what does it show him as a Christian when you are deliberately going behind your parents backs and lying? Like I said, if he truely is THE ONE for you, he will still be later on … Dont settle, your Faith and relationship with God is way more important than any physical or material thing in this world and in your honor to god, He will bless you and give you the desires of your heart…wait on HIm and dont seek out on your own…He will provide the one you are meant to be with and I am sure he would not want you to be as a Christian with a non believer, even though you can be a great example to maybe teach someone and lead someone to christ…that seed will be planted and if this guy is open, he will allow God to have that seed grwo..Good luck! :)

Answer #3

God won’t make anyone do anything. However, he said in his word, if you love me, you will obey my commandments.

Notice the word “IF” this is the bottom line for a Christian.

Gods words says that sex outside of marriage is fornication.

It a person is married and has sex with someone other than their mate, it is then called adultry.

There are always consequences for not obeying his word. He does forgive, but, he does not remove the consequences.

If you choose to be disobedient, there will at some time be a price to be paid for what you do.

Answer #4

I agree with lara1980. I myself am not Christian but I respect those who are and do not think them brainwashed - no matter how disrespectful some can be to my own religion.

And catastrofish - you will know in your heart what is right, and most likely it will be Gods will too. I do not think you will be turning away from God by dating this guy, and over time, I’m sure your parents will come to terms with the fact that you really love him. As for sex, I have to say that I can’t help you there.

Answer #5

I think there’s a confusion here between your parents and your/their religion. Between fear and faith. Between sex and love. Piety and pretension.

Answer #6

Please tell me what part of what you have written honors Christ?

You mention that you are a devoted Christian, may I ask in what way you are devoted?

Answer #7

To slavaim living according to jesus rules doesn’t mean that we are brainwashed it means that we are living with morals and puropeses.it’s our choice and it’s the right thing to do.

Answer #8

You obviously love him and you obviously love God who does not exist, so dump God. Your question is making me depressed now - you must be extremely devouted to Christinaity. eww.

Answer #9

Ignore this catastofish..

As for the rest of your bible quoters, care to explain this? As apparently jesus comes first, so really does it matter whether she listens to her parents as long as she has faith?

Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to turn “‘a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law–a man’s enemies will be the members of his own household.’ . - Matthew 10:34

If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters–yes, even his own life–he cannot be my disciple. - Luke 14:26

catastrofish, I apologize, I try not to put down anyone’s religion as long as it’s not being shoved in my face, or they’re not telling me I’m going to hell. Now, what is important is how you see your religion. Not how all the self righteous hypocrites of the world do. Do you believe in your heart that the God you believe in, would have you meet this good guy, dangle him in front of your nose, and then say oh well, too bad he’s not faithful? Or would the fact that he is a good person and treats you well be more important? Put another way, what is better, a guy who has faith in God but lies, cheats, and beats you, or a guy who is not faithful, but loves you and treats you with respect? How important do you think having faith is for someone you are dating? This is your battle alone though, you have to come to terms with what your religious faith is. If you chose to follow all rules (well not all of them, since I assume you talk in church, and dont go into hiding during your period, but the ones that your church deems as important), then that is up to you. If you choose to have a different interpretation from your church (remember, everything is an interpretation at the end of the day), then that is up to you too.

Answer #10

There is a reason why Christians are admonished not to be unequally yoked. The most important one is that it is so much easier to turn to sin with someone who is not putting God first in their lives; you have already expressed the idea of pleasing him inspite of your parents’ warnings. If you already imagine sex in your mind, you have sinned and must seek God’s forgiveness. Trying to make this work is YOUR doing, and your desires are not necessarily what God desires for you. Since you are sneaking around, this should tell you that you are already off track and doing a dishonor to your parents. SPECIAL NOTE; A MAN WHO LIES, CHEATS, BEATS, DISRESPECTS ETC. A WOMAN IS NOT A MAN OF GOD, AND GOD PROHIBITS THAT BEHAVIOR, so that is not an appropriate option or excuse to go outside ones faith.
On another note, I totally disagree with some posts; a person who claims to be of your faith, but does not treat you with respect is not a Christian worthy of you to pay attention to, so that explaination is moot. So is the one where suppossedly God is dangling a good man in front of you’. A man of your faith should at the minimum respect your parents’ wishes, treat you kindly and with respect, and not encourage fantasy encounters with you in your mind. No man who treats a woman other than with kindness and respect should be kicked to the curb, and quickly.
I believe that your parents would have more respect for him, if he comes with an open heart, seeking to learn about your faith. You and he have demonstrated your immaturity by sneaking around and indulging in your fantasies. You have a lot of time to grow up, and if he really does love you, he will come to truly embrace your faith, as well as continue to respect you, and very importantly, respect your parents wishes. By not respecting your parents’ wishes, you are creating an environment of distrust and dishonor, not only for yourself, but for your parents and the guy you care for. Show him respect by obeying your parents, and he will learn to have more respect for you and your position.

Answer #11

I think parents should encourage relationships between guys and girls just as they encourage relationships, aka friendships, between straight girls with straight girls/straight guys with straight guys, starting when they are young. I think it is cruel to not allow them to partake in family activities. It creates a boundary between males and females unless it involves some relation to soon-after or future mating/sex.

Do not give-in to your boyfriend. He knows not what he does. Neither of your minds have fully developed, neither of you have reached a decent amount of capability for reasoning [through your thoughts and queries]. You are not technically lying to your parents, you are just… keeping the whereabouts of your true activities private, non-existence to their minds-sad-depressing even-almost, I know. It sucks. [I am in an almost identical situation, but I feel more comfortable not posting about it online…encase someone I know were to read this…I would love to share…but I fear doing so… :/]

I think your real problem is finding a way for your family to accept your boyfriend- maybe set up a way for his family and your family to meet up sometime(s) for dinner, or, if necessary, set it up with him in a way that they parents don’t know that they are going to be eating together at the same place? I dunno. Good luck and God bless, where ever you are at this time/point. (or just continue what you are doing, the way you are doing it, just encase trying to get the parents to agree, seems like a lost-cause- so, do the meet-the- parents thing, or just stick with what you are doing- or just go with whatever you choose.) xoxo.

Answer #12

Please understand that the “yoked” text is not refering to marriage. It is clearly refered to as fellowship which is multiple persons and is not a suitable way to describe marriage.
Moses was married outside of faith and culture. If its fine for him to do it then it is fine for you. BUT there are some things you want to consider and that is how does he treat religion. How he treats religion is a reflection of how he will treat you.

1 Corinthians 7:12-17 (King James Version)

12But to the rest speak I, not the Lrd: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.

13And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.

14For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.

15But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but G-d hath called us to peace.

16For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?

17But as G-d hath distributed to every man, as the Lord hath called every one, so let him walk. And so ordain I in all churches.

Answer #13

I think you should forget him for now and respect your religion and your parents. Do some work around the house and show your parents some respect. About a month or two later talk to your parents and say that your now 16 and you really like him and that you believe you are mature enough to handle this. you can even tell them that ull let them know where you are at all time and obey a curfew ect. Remember if your parents say no you can try to ask again. But if you want a tip: here’s a tip that may have your parents answer be a yes. Talk to your mom first. She’s a women and should understand your situation. Ask her how she would feel if she was in your shoes? Even if she says no ask her to at least talk to your dad and let them come up with a decision. If their answer is no let it go and try to find someone else or just stay single.

Answer #14

my boyfriend holds no particular faith and we get on just fine.. he’s entitled to disagree with stuff that I hold true too but as long as your boyfriend doesnt “put you down” or try to ask you to forsake our Heavenly Father then a relationship with your boyfriend should be OK.

now to sex…I remembered what my mum used to tell us ( my brothers and I) when we started having girlfriends and boyfriend, she would say, “would you be comfortable having sex with your boyfriend or girlfriend with God being in the same room as you”?… obviously we never told our parents what our answers were, but personally in my opinion, if your answer is “yes” then dont do it, if your answer is “no” then have sex as long as its not perverted or harmful sex then it shouldnt be an issue.

I’m a devoted Christian but I also live my life accordingly and as long as I’m not harming anyone, I dont see why one cannot have sex with someone they adore…I’ve been with my boyfriend since I was 17 and he’s the only sexual partner I have :) it’s not promiscuous.  

this is 2009, and people would be wet behind the ears if they think teenagers do not have sex or majority of people walk down the aisle as “virgins” ;)

Answer #15

“Honor thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee. (Exodus 20:12)”

Having quoted that, what do you think are the limitations to that honor? Do you think God would want you to reject someone who could potentially be your soul mate and would even be willing to accept your faith for you? I think God would want you to find your own way - parents aren’t always right.

However, sex is still sex whether it’s vaginal, oral, or anal, so if you’re worried about encountering something sinful, then you should honor yourself and your own faith and wait until you’re married to engage in any sexual act.

Answer #16

wow, looks like kids in the US are just as brainwashed as those in various Muslim countries

Answer #17

Being unequally yoked && even sex is explained in the Bible a lot differently than people tend to explain it. Actually, when Paul talks about sex, he mentions that those were his personal suggestions to his followers. Still, it seems as though you are supposed to be very particular about who you become joined with in that way. It also speaks about worldly pleasures and desires that take us away from the Lord. At your age, I’d say wait for many reasons. But just because he is not on the same level as you spiritually doesn’t mean that he won’t grow to be.

Answer #18

wow, looks like kids in the US are just as brainwashed as those in various Muslim countries

       Where did Muslims come into this discussion?Why do you people always blame them for each and every thing?:(Its sad,really...
Answer #19

to tseirpeht: yes the verse that I have mentioned is talking about marriage and nothing but marriage because when you marry someone you are joined togather (yoked)in fellowship nothing like that happens. read the analysis of the bible. about 1 corinthians it talks about special cases where one of the spouses becomes christian after getting married not before. yes God approved on some marriages where the husband or the wife was from a different religion, but if you notice that was in the old testement where people where living under the laws of moses not under the grace of jesus. we sometimes misunderstand the concept of grace we think that we are free to do whatever you want and god will give us his approval but grace means to act like son’s of god so whoever sees us will glorify our father. it means to hear God’s voice and act according to his will not according to my desires. As from my experience god doesn’t want me to marry a man from outside my religion that was his voice and he wont change.

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