Should i just get over this?

My fiance says that i should be over my childhood/teenage abuse. i just turned 22 in sept. i moved out of my parents house a few months before i turned 18. my mother has depression/anxiety and my dad has an anger problem. since i was born they didnt want me and i stayed mostly with my grandma which was great. i started school when i was 3 almost 4 yrs old and they sent me to a baby sitter where i was molested daily by a teenage boy (embarrassed and shamed cause he did it in front of other people some times), the mother made me eat soap daily, made me have a bath with her son that was much older then me, made me sit naked in front of everyone, threaten to beat me. i told my mom and she laughed at me and said it wasnt true :(. then at home i was starved slowly got less food as my life went on, my mother beat me with a belt couple times a week for years, tons of terrible things happened ill list a few of the worst, my mother told me she hated me and wanted to kill herself because of me. she had my brother 6 years after me and wanted him and gave him everything he needed and wanted right in front of me and made me suffer and hate him. Hid my clothes from me and wouldnt wash them or let me wash them, locked doors so i couldnt get to things like the washer or food, made me eat expired food, moldy food. humiliated me when i stole chocolate bars from her and ate them all, any chance she got she would humiliate me or make me feel shame for what i had to do. never bought tampons, razers, anything like that that i needed i had to steal or ask around for them same with food. told me to leave there house when i was 6 handed me my coat in winter and told me to leave there house(which at 6 is scary) they were just taunting me, my dad beat me and yelled at me in front of everyone and i begged my mom to make him stop and she said i deserve it and all i did was ask for one new outfit from walmart for my first day of high school because i always had second hand clothes that were ugly and too small. then after he did that told me to wash the dishes while they went out as a family to do something fun. also when i was in grade 1 my dad dragged my face across the living room carpet which was a gross strachy carpet that made my face have really bad rug burn and kids at school made fun of me for it. everytime i got sick they didnt take care of me or take me to the dr. i had a terrible ear infection and they picked at my ear and didnt take me to the hospital till i was screaming in pain for days. then one time when i was about 8 i had double pneumonia and they finally took me to the hospital. since i was 7 my mother made me work at various of her jobs paper routes, cleaning apartments, washing dishes for a catering company, and would take the money she said i made. left me alone in our house one summer when i was 14 where a man (19 yr old) stalked me and went to my church and started dating me and kept coming to my house forcing himself on me (sexual stuff not sex thankfully) and my parents new about him but didnt care. i finally got him to go away for good years later but it wasnt easy. He did a lot of creepy stuff to me like hid in the bushes at night in front of my house, hid under my windows and listen to my conversations, take my clothes and hold me down, tell me all this stuff i needed to change, said i cant go anywhere without him, etc. he was a child predator, then when i was 16 i had a best friend (boy) that i loved and trusted but he got me really drunk at a party and raped me and never talked to me again afterwards. so thats some of the horrors that were my life. I stopped talking to my parents but my mother still tries to mess with me a couple times a year calling FB messaging me ect. anyways my Fiance says that this happened a long time ago and i should just get over it by now and that its not happening any more so its fine. is he right am i just holding on to the past for some reason. should i be able to forget all this and move forward by 22 years old?

5 answers

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ANSWER #1 of 5

I don't know how you could "... just get over ...", the nightmare that you have just described.

I think you should seek counselling from a professional who specialises in child abuse. Sadly, I cannot advise you beyond that, as you give no indication regarding the jurisdiction in which you live.

ANSWER #2 of 5

We know that people don't just "get over" emotional abuse like you describe. The fact that you can even function and have a healthy relationship after all of that is a testament to your strength. I wouldn't have any contact with my mom if I were you; especially since she denies the things that happened to you. I agree that you should look forward rather than back but you can't just forgive and forget the things you describe. She had a chance to show you support and kindness when you need it and she didn't. She burned that bridge a long time ago. I agree with Santa, you should talk to a professional because abuse as a child can haunt you for the rest of your life. Good luck!

ANSWER #3 of 5

Your fiancé is so incredibly insensitive. He has no right to tell you to just "get over it" because he has never experienced anything close to what you experienced. I really hope your fiancé isn't abusing you. You need to seek professional help.

ANSWER #4 of 5

thats messed up.... how does he expect you to just get over that kinda stuff.... thats not something you can just forget... im superr sorry you had to go threw that stuff im glad you dont have to deal with it anymore but its still something thats always gonna bug you... and is always gonna make you sad thinking back on and he should be wayyyy more understanding and support you not tell you to just get over it... i think you should go to a counselor ik all that stuff is probably not what you wanna talk about but i think it could help you and about your mom she dosent even deserve to talk to you or have you in her life if i were you i wouldent talk to her attt all.. but maybe reach out to your brother if you dont talk to him its wrong they favored him there just bad parents period and shouldent even of had kids they probably have problems with there childhoods

ANSWER #5 of 5

First of all, I am so very sorry that you have suffered. It's not fair. No child should ever experience that. But there is no magic wand that will rewrite your past. What you need to do now is try to get professional help. Even just talking to a professional trained psychologist / psychiatrist will start you toward a better life.
This has been an experience that affected your whole world view. Without professional help, you will have major problems all your life.
It is not surprising that your fiancé doesn't understand; many people don't.
Your first job is to save yourself from your horrible past, because without competent professional help, you are going to have a rough life. With that help you (and any who love you) can have a much fuller, richer life.
Take care, and
Good Luck!!

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