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What would you give this poem?

Hii What would you rate this poem as out of 10? Im wanting to be a singer, and songwriter, but apparently poetry is just as good, alright cya x

Remember When You Were A Kid? How you thought and Felt? Whatever anyone did, Your Life didnt seem to melt?

Up until that time, where you start to think. I’ve got to prove myself to others, Then your life starts to sink?

You have to do everything they do, Just ‘cause you think it’s cool, But that’s just what effects you, They use you as a tool,

Lollipops turn to cigarettes, Treats turn into drugs, Socks turn into fishnets, Lots turn into thugs,

Nothing is as it seems, The nice turn into mean, The flashbacks of mistakes just beam, and they’re something you wish you could take all back, Or wish you could’ve foreseen.

So when you get to that stage just stop yourself proceeding, The other side is full of lies, Listen to this reading,

and then you’ll know, thats just when you’ll realise, when all is said and done, that’s exactly when

the innocence dies…

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Answer #1

agreed with sexy smurf 1_~

Answer #2

Alright. Here’s a tip. Stop trying to rhyme. It distracts from the meaning of your poem, and feels very forced. Rewrite using better and stronger words, disregarding the rhyme scheme.

Answer #3

above average I heard a beat in my head, it would make a great rap song I think(thogh I’m not into rap perosnally) you should start using similes, metaphores. Start using stronger words, broaden your vocab a bit. 6, maybe 6.5 if it were rap, lol

Answer #4

it’s good it’s very well written id give it 4/5 stars… if I might make a suggestion try using stronger words for more appeal… nice poem though:)

Answer #5

I would give it a 10/10 good job! :)

Answer #6

It is not bad, sounds like it comes from the heart I would give it 6/10

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