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I tried to write this poem in the style of “Funeral Blues” by WH Auden, known from Four Weddings and a Funeral. Here we go, tell me what you think…

Shut down every organ close off every breath my life is not worth living with you gone, and me left

Turn off every radio silence every noise every quiet beat is wasted every heart is full of poise

every smile is hiding all my angst and fear every part of me is broken devellish and sincere

thank you :)

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Answer #1

I like it a lot=]

Answer #2

agreed with red rose alos, you might want to braoden your vocabulary just a bit & perhaps work with symbolism here’s a poem of mine that you’re remind me off (please note, my work is copy write protected, so please don’t steal my work. I doubt you will, you’re a poet yourself. But one can never be to carful now a days)

http://hourglassoflosttime.deviantart.com/art/Never-Again-115826943

Answer #3

thank you hourglassoflosttime, I’m sure it will help me as a fellow poet. :)

Answer #4

okay, thank you :)

Answer #5

I am a poet myslef and have been writting for years I suppose you want constructive critisism? I think you need to work on the first verse, the rhythem doesnt match up to the other two verses, one thing thats good to do is have the same amount of syllabels in rhyming verses, which you did well in the 2nd verse, and be a lot more brave with the laungage you use and the way you use it, the last two verses are quite good but the first isnt very good due to rhythem and beat and the way it doesnt flow on the tounge aswell

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