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What do you think about my poem?

My poem I wrote tonight- kinda relates to the past year maybe?

Far away

I wanna pack up my heart

Embrace my self and go faraway

What would you do

If one day you slept

And when you woke up the next day

You were so far away

If you realized that things in our lives..

Caused us to be confused

So you packed up and searched for something new

Now here I am eyes once closed

Once was someone else bitter and cold

I used to feel myself loosing control

Now my heart feels like its closing a hole

Exploring new horizons

Taking a breath of life in

I know I once missed my chance to just keep doing that dance

Im setting my past behind me

Im taking this new light in

A now happier me

Away from temptation and too much infatuation

Im a new butterfly that has just learned to fly

Im without old aquaintenses that tore me up inside

I feel my self worth starting to heal

I feel im a new person whos not always shedding a tear

I can finally wake up and face my self in the mirror

What would you do

If one day you slept

And when you woke up the next day

You weren’t bitter anymore

You were just someone who finally found her way

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Answer #1

ok to begin with your poem is kind of uneven. in some places you have these strong lines and I wanna feel what your saying. however, this poem is so plain. and when you began you didnt get my attention. your opening line has to be so elegant that it makes me wanna read it. content wise its not great. it sounds more like the introduction of a book. in the beginning your talking about yourself using “I” then you start to say “you” as if your talking to me, then you go back to “I’. that kinda confuses me its like you throw two different poems together. now I am saying this with no harm intended, if you are the age you say you are (18) I would expect that you would b writing at a higher level. however, thats solely my opinion. you have potential keep at it!

Answer #2

I’ld have to agree with johnathan and kamari91. You switch from “I” to “you” back to “I” then back to “you”. Perhaps if you broke it up into stanzas it may help. It’s hardly rhythmic. Good plot, it needs better wording. Broaden your horizon on vocabulary perhaps.

emmybear316 A little thing to keep in mind anyone can write almost anything and call it free style. It takes true skill, a true poet, to free style a poem(however, there are exceptions out there)

Answer #3

Johnathon, maybe it is freestyle. I loved your poem. It was beautiful.

Answer #4

thankyou everyone for giving your honest opinion I will def keep it in mind :)

Answer #5

The theme is good but the poem is not that rhythmic which hinders pace!Overall *

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