I am a 29 yr old psychology student and my boyfriend is a 31 yr old law student. We don't have lots of money, actually we live off of student loans. We rent our home and pay all the normal bills. We have known each other for 15 years and have bee dating about 4.5 years. I have a medical issue with my reproductive system (scar tissue in my fallopian tube) and have had two tubal pregnancies. My doctor took out my right tube and reconstructed my left one. He advised me (after testing to see if the reconstructed tube was clear) to have children before I was 30 because the scar tissue would eventually grow back. It has been 6 years since my re-constructive surgery and we are having problems deciding whether to have a child or not. My issue is that I may not be able to have kids or it will be dangerous for me to have children if we wait much longer and his view is that we are not financially secure enough to start a family. We both want to have children with each other but every time he says "yes let's do it" he backs out at the last minute. I really want to have kids, but it is evident that he is not ready because "it would take time away from law school and our financial situation" but I really think that we could make it work. what should I do?
Dear snicks02, Since your boyfriend doesn't want to adopt and he wants to wait till you are out of school...unless you can convince him other wise you will have to settle for not having children. The question is he wants one thing and you want another. He is not willing to compromise with adoption leaving the only option not to have children. Is this enough of a deal breaker? Is this enough to end the relationship? These are questions you need to examine carefully. Unless their can be compromises in a relationship then this becomes a dysfunctional situation. Do you want children enough to move on, or find a partner who does. Or do you back down and settle for never having children? If anyone waited till they could afford children no one...and I mean no one would have children. So financially it is a no brainer...now perhaps it stems from his fear of loosing you in child birth? A real fear, one he may not think he can handle...this is were counselling would be beneficial. Address his fears and find out the real reasons for the delay and find out the real reasons as to why you feel you have to bend only to his wishes. Sue...good luck
in my opinion u should finish school its hard to do homework when u have someone needing u that much pluse its nice to get that time with your baby when their first born cause ya I was denyed school when I was a teen for not living at home with my parents so I am now finishing my high scholl my sons 2 1/2 so he sleeps threw the night but its hard to get to when your cleaning your house cookingspending time with your baby because if u dont set time out you dont get to see theim to much then after 7:30 if my house is clean and laundry is done then I can start the home work and I wake up at 5am so I can be out the door by 6:30am and get home at 3:45 its bussy but financhially you should b fine a lot of that waight never have kids
Maybe you should adopt. That way, you don't have to worry about not being able to support your child now. Sorry, but after reading your history, I wouldn't recommend giving birth at all. I think when your doctor told you not to give birth after 30, he/she didn't mean for you to do it when you're 29.5 years old. Should have been earlier, but it's too late now.
You can have childrening into your mid to late 30's. Chill out and get your life in order.
Best plan: ring, date, marriage, then baby - to an established, loving homelife.
Right now he is not open to adoption. He says that he does not want to adopt:(
Thank you:)
