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Why do I have this dream ? Why am I such a B!tch .

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The thought of mym mom or dad or Grandma or brother dieng makes me cry ,but I alwasy wish my mom wilL die and I sometimes treat my little brother bad and when im done it makes me cry and feel bad because I know that I cant live without them . I always have this dream of my brother handinqg me a ds with his teeth knocked out saying here you can have it . with him crieng I don't know what that means ? hes only 7 . why am I such a biatch to them if I know ima be mad or sad over it l8r ?