How do I stop my brother from dating this horrible girl without fighting him?

She hangs with the wrong crowd and little by little is dragging him in.

i kinda know what you mean one of my best friends is going out with this girl and she’s awful for him. all i can do though is just give him space tell him what i see and make sure h eknows im there for him

I have to agree with colleen, sometimes you have to allow people to make their own mistakes so they can learn from them. The more we try to meddle the worse off it will be because they will do the exact opposite.

Sometimes they just have to learn the hard way. :(

I agree with Colleen and Temptress. Who ever said u had to like who he dates? My family doesn’t like my bf but that doesn’t stop me. When he figures out the real deal with her he will leave her alone

I do not like her in my house or anything and I can’t say uh you can come home but leave her at the door can I?

Well if you try and be too much of a “big sister” and tell him what to do, he’s gonna defy it and be even more determined to do what he wants. She may not be “that bad”, give it a little chance and let him learn whatever it is he needs to. You have a better chance of finding out what’s up through conversation than in giving advice or telling him what to do. Just communicate with him in a respectful and loving way once in a while and make sure he’s ok and getting messed up in the head or anything, and let him go. He’s on his way to being a man and has to learn sometime.

No you shouldn’t say that because your hurting the relationship with your brother. Think about this: you don’t like her, but he does. He is his own person same as you are your own. Be careful here and be patient. Just wait and see what happens.

i honestly think you should get to know her first then if she is as bad as you feel she is then talk to him, but by then he will have realized it too. my brother and bf were in the same grade in school, and my brother hated him in school and didn’t want him in the house or anything when we started dating. then he got to know him and realized people are differnt out of school and gets along with him now.

My youngest brother and I are all he’s got. I guess I am a little too protective but the neighborhood we live in is gang central and she comes into my house flashing her gang colors. I know the gang she is in runs half the town and they are bad news. Nothing good comes from them. And every time he goes out for clothes he gets the gang colors also. I am not going to sit here and watch this happen.

I don’t need to talk to gang affiliated chick

see thats what my mom did with my dad just wait and see what happens and my dad is in prison. I am not going to bail him out because he was in the wrong place at the wrong time.

@ colleen, sometimes even if u trust someone u SHOULDN’T ..i watched my brother fall into the wrong crew..he was the innocent boy from his what they call “hommies” into a drug dealer..that time he was 16 and although i had faith and trust in him i wish I didn’t listen to people when they said “trust him more” Unfortuntately, u have to have some soild facts about this grl to proof to him shes not worth it.. young boys are easily seduced by young, bad type of grls (for some odd reason it turns them on).. u just have to clarify the whole situation by getting a handful of evidence of her otherwise brothers/sisters aren’t really scared of older siblings. If u go to hard on him which will cause him to do sneaky things behind your back..have u ever watched the movie “fear” where the dad of a 16 yr iold tried to discpline her to stay away from the bad guy..point is, the problem esculated into a huge conflict.. the more u try to get involved the worse can happen.. i am about ur age and i have a handful of younger siblings WHICH I am over proctective about even though theres really not that much of age difference. I understand how u feel about this grl, i had plenty of them playing my brothers..at the end of the day i am the one whoes stressing, eating my self and later on they break up and things start getting back to the way they should be and i am the one who won’t let go of the whole conflict..keep in mind, ur brother will engage in so many activaties involving grls but you have to let loose..keep cool and get facts, other than that iur brother is gonna consider what u said as another lecture from older siblings..

@jenndue … sometimes there’s nothing you can do … people need to learn for themselves and all anyone can do is just be there to try and carry them through the tough times. I went through it, and I survived, just like millions of other people. Give a little credit where it’s due.

If she’s hurting him tell him, if she’s not let it be. Don’t control him, let the final choice be his.

ur right but for others they really can’t stand there and watch there loved ones go through .

make him see how bad she is by making some tape or any evidence and make him decide .he is sure not an idiot.

Sometimes we just got to let them make there mistakes and be there for them.

Welll, I’m thinking now that maybe you should try and see a professional counselor about this

No i am not doing that

Yes, he’s your brother, Stasha, but as you know better than anyone, you have to take responsibility for him not just as an older sister, but as though you were his mom, because for all intents and purposes, you are.

Moms have to gauge the extent of their trust and its limits carefully, and have to interfere sometimes for their child’s longer-term good, despite resistance and resentment from a child who can’t anticipate the consequence of his/her actions.

The trick is in how to do that without driving an irreparable wedge of alienation between you.

There’s no magic answer, but I have a few suggestions.

First, try to move heaven and earth any way you can to get you and your brother out of that gang-ridden neighborhood, which for the situation you describe is the root of all evil. I’m happy to help you explore what resources might be available to make that possible.

Meanwhile, you are not the only mother in the neighborhood concerned about the dangers posed to their children by criminal gangs. Look around for a supportive parents organization. Get to know those neighbors, and the community institutions they work with (police, churches, youth activities, whatever), and let your brother become known to them, too. They will help watch out for him (especially when they become familiar with your unique situation). I know of resources of this kind in your neighborhood and I will gladly help you find them, if you like. You may have heard the saying, and it’s true, “It takes a village to raise a child.” Don’t try to do everything yourself.

Your description of events and your trust for your brother suggest that it’s not the gang that attracts him; it’s the girl. I hear your antipathy for her gang affiliation and the bad crowd she hangs with. You see her pulling him into that scene; you need to pull in a different direction. It may be easier for you to pull your brother away if you try to pull the two of them together. Maybe she is already a lost cause, but maybe not. She is young; she wasn’t always a bad girl; she may feel trapped herself, or without alternatives. Offer her a different way.

Invite her to come in with your brother for dinner, offer her a quiet place to study, assist her if you can. Treat her and their relationship with respect, and insist - calmly and firmly - that they both treat you and your home with similar respect - no cursing, no drŭgs, no sex (or at least no unprotected sex), etc. Bring her, too, into the circle of the wider community of parents; she may not get such support at home. These small displays of caring and trust (but hide your valuables!) may start to bring her around. If she rejects your overtures, so be it; it’s on her. Your brother will see that, and it will help him see his choices more clearly.

Thanks I will try this. Moving is not an option but changing her is so I will choose.

Don’t make the wrong move by trying to “impose” your feelings on your brother. Like others have said, he’ll resent it, and in all probability hook on to her more. You can try having a heart-to-heart chat with your brother, make a long detailed list in your mind about the traits f this girl which you find disconcerting, and then explain carefully. Be sure to sound empathetic when you do this. That is, get him to pay attention by making him think, not ordering him to think.

Hope I could contribute a bit to the solution :)