Got any good jokes?!

is that a banana in your pants or are you just happy to see me

I like the one thar goes,

“ How do you get an Elephant into safe way?”

“ I don’t know”

“You take the ‘s’ out of safe and the ‘f’ out of way”

“ There’s no ‘f’ in way”

get it, There’s no f in way

Also

“knock knock”

“Who’s there?”

“Interupting cow”

“Interupting cowww-“

“MOO!!!”

Messages for the unstable:

“Hello and welcom to the mental health hotline;

• if you are obsessive compulsive, press 1 repeatedly

-if you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

• if you have multiple personalities, press 3,4,5 and 6

• if you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call

• if you are delusional, press 7 and you call will be transferred to the mothership

-if you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press

• if you are manic-depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you press - no-one will answer

-If you are dyslexic, press 69696969

• if you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key untill a representative comes on the line

• if you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number and you’re mother’s maiden name

• if you have post-traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000

-if you have bipolar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep.Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep

• if you have shot-term memory loss press 9

• if you have shot-term memory loss press 9

• if you have shot-term memory loss press 9

• if you have shot-term memory loss press 9

• If you have low self-esteem, please hang up, all our operators are too busy to talk to you.