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What do you think of this short write?

And so stood these brothers in a circle, Their weapons slung high across their chests as they make for war, Mercy doth not lay its hands upon them For their shining loyalty and fearless will shall hold them high above the clutches of death. What do you guys think of this? Im using it in a book I am writing.

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Answer #1

When I say will, I mean WIllpower

Answer #2

I think its great, it has a lot of meaning and details in it. your a talented writer! I hope you book goes well.

Answer #3

You might put a comma after “will” to help with the flow and to show its meaning for some who might get it confused.

Answer #4

perhaps instead of chest you should use breast, it sounds a tad better

what do I think? Finally one of the few who know how to write on this site bravo 1_~

Answer #5

this was very well written! but will and shall are the same thing so mayb take will out. I also agree with thex13thxchild.

Answer #6

Thank you, for your input guys, it means a lot =)

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