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My daughter thinks it was her fault

my daughter is 14 years old and about 8 ago her mother, my wife passed away in a car accident. her mom was on her way to my daughters hockey playoffs when she was hit by a driver that fell asleep at the wheel. lately my daughter has been having a nightmare she use to have when she was little. Its terrifying she watches her moms death from the side of the high way. she has been having it a lot lately but she said nothing was bothering her. But just yesterday my brother called and told me that she admitted to him that she thinks that if she never wanted her mother at the game she would still be alive. she believes that her mothers death was her fault. when I tried to talk to her she ignored me and locked herself in her room bawling her eyes out. I want to be able to tell her that it wasnt her fault. I hate seeing my little girl like this. Please help. How do I get her to listen to me and to believe it wasnt her fault.

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Answer #1

Im 16 and I lost my mother six years ago at age 10.

She died of a tummy tuck. A very common affect to this procedure, a blood clot in her leg that formed went to her heart and it was to late to do anything. I lost my bestfriend. My everything. Theres still not a day that passes by where I dont miss her. Theres also a day that never passes by where I dont think it was my fault. I know it wasnt but I still question it. I know I could have prevented it. And your daughter feels the same way. She is so overwhelmed and when someone is in so much pain a grief they will blame themselves for a loss of a loved one. I tried counciling.. it didnt work for me. Maybe talk to your daughter and recoment it. but only take her if she WANTS to go. I know you want to help her desperatley but theres not much you can do. Only she can help herself.

Answer #2

I lost both my parents 2 yearsrs ago..and I thought it was my fault that they died. it will really help her if you take her someplace special then finnally when she calms down talk to her about it. I hope I helped a little

Answer #3

Take her to counseling. Even if she doesnt want to go, it could help. I have teenagers I counsel who dont want to be there (I was one a few years ago and believe me I was beyond stubborn), and with the right therapist it cannot hurt and it usually does help.

Answer #4

Just let her know everything happens for a reason and everyone has to go at one point. tell her everythings okay and its not her fault. nobody knew it was going it happen

Answer #5

I think counseling is in order here. Her self-inflicted guilt stems from many things, not just guilt. However, the “guilt basket” is where all her feelings are going. She needs someone who is not emotionally involved…a person who can help sort thru all the feelings that she’s going thru, and help her put things in perspective. I think you are too close to her…AND you are hurting, too. It’s not surprising that she doesn’t want to talk about this with you…yet. She will eventually, just not now.

Please get her into counseling (not a shrink, but a counseler… I’d suggest a woman)…

I’m so sorry for your loss…

p

Answer #6

Phrannie and Ty said it all.

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