My 2nd poem.do you like it?

ok well lemme kinda clear it up, this girl is in a relationship and her boyfriend talks bad about her,her askes her to hangout but she doesn’t answer and assumes it’s ok, he comes over and she tells him that she can hear him when he talks about her, and she slapps him, well then they get in a fist fight and her mom hears and he gets into more trouble because he is bigger and she slapped him but not that hard and he kept beating on her.

It doesn’t really sound much like a poem.

It sounds more like you’re telling a story to a girlfriend or something.

I find that the more beautiful poems of history don’t use words like “hang out”

Simply because it would date the poem and lose it’s effectiveness once the phrase becomes obsolete

thx and yea I just was thinking that so I thought if I put it a different way it would work better, um well I put a different version as a comment under my old 1 so um I think it is better.

well I’ll just tell you that I’m not that good of a poet.

its def. better than the first one.. this one has a little something more to it but your not there yet keep trying

thx…and I just wrote another 1 but that 1 is really short and rimey,is that a word?, so I really don’t like it…

I like the first one alott bettter.. mabe a dif choice of words here would make it more nicee

its okayyy