Overcoming what happened, and feeling useless

ok so let me set the stage for what happened this weekend. I have a friend I have not seen in a year and a half. I know she is a bit crazy and I know her and I ahve a past with being umm very close with one another. Well we invite her over, because we know she is promicuous and my fiance has a friend that is just looking for no strings attatched fun. Well we all get toasty drunk, and then ehad to the hot tub area at the apartments. Things ge t abit out of hand and my boy asks me to umm mess with her down south in the hott tub. I was not comfortable with it but I did it anyways. I had trouble and couldnt finish her so he asked me if it was ok with me if he did. I was hurt by this and felt useless ebcause I couldtn do it right so I todl him I dont care and I left the area.

I trust that things went as he says. He said he just saw it as a challenge as she kept on saying it is not easy to make her finish. I felt useless, hurt, cheated, and disgusting. I did not want to be touched or anyhting. He was with the other two girls for abotu 10 minutes and when he came back to me I denied him I wouldnt even let him touch my arms. I was hurt as heck. He says he thoguth ti was ok because I told him a couple times to go ahead and do it. The truth is I yes told him to but I was hruting so bad and felt so terrible abotu the whole thing that I just didnt want him around me for a while. I wanted to disappear and drive off a cliff or something.
So my question is how should I take this. We are both trying hard to voer come it. We still both want to be married, and we both love each other. He has applogised ot me a million times, and swears to me he just used his fingers, he siad it wasnt great, he didnt enjoy it that way, which I believe as he was soft when hereturned to me. and if he had gotten off he would have still been hard. I just dont know I am still so hurt, hos do I get over it and move one, am I wrong?