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what do you think about the beginning of my book?

this is the beginning paragraph dark circles surrounded the eyes of the faces of the lifeless bodies that looked abandoned and emotionless,like someone who was attending a funeral. too numb to cry and to sad to smile. I stepped over one body then another, only to find that it would never end,the bodies went on for miles, pale cold bodies, all covered in white cloth that lay around those bodies as if snow had fallen, white and calm, and yet something different. I knelt down to feel the cloth and found a supprising jolt of electricity.(this is all I got so far and I was wondering how interesting do you think it is, all comments welcome)

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Answer #1

well people like different types of books and im ok with that thx for answering and thats exactly the type of feeling or mood I was going for

Answer #2

Sounds like it will be very interesting when you are done. The sentences are a bit long and wordy though. May want to be cognizant of how many times you use the word body in the same paragraph. Your readers are initially told that you are looking at bodies, so you don’t necessarily need to reiterate.

Sounds cool though, I hope you post some more soon!

Answer #3

ya nice starting…um liking it carry on with it and I wud luv to read da whole story of your book. are you olready done writing da whole story?

Answer #4

I think it’s very dramaticcc. I like it but not my kind of story

Answer #5

I love it to be quite honest!

Answer #6

thx

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