How can I prevent our problems from coming out again?

ok- I found it ! :-))) http://www.amazon.co.uk/Boundaries-Relationships-Knowing-Protecting-Enjoying/dp/155874259X/ref=sr_1_6/202-8771976-2746265?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1191494857&sr=1-6 And here is a review that I particulary agree with; This to me is one of the best books ever written on boundaries and relationships. Talks of the structure of a person’s boundaries, ways to know where your boundaries are, the necessity of having boundaries within your relationships. Written with sensitivity and love. Anything further that I could say about this book would fall short of its quality. I consider this a must read for anyone from any kind of dysfunctional background, especially those struggling with boundary issues.

Here is also another book by the same author which will be of interest; http://www.amazon.co.uk/Healing-Child-Within-Discovery-Dysfunctional/dp/0932194400/ref=pd_bxgy_b_text_b/202-8771976-2746265?ie=UTF8&qid=1191494857&sr=1-6

OK, well you have obviously already made the decision to get your life together and make your relationships work. So why is it that you are even thinking of going back to drugs? There is always a better way- and this is it, yours for the asking. Anyway- I know about this kind of relationship stuff with 2 disfunctional people- and there is a book which TRANSFORMED my ability to have GREAT relationships. It may suprise you, but this information is what you need, the subject material covers a lot more than you might be thinking it does. And its all really simple and fundemental stuff. You will enjoy learning about this stuff and seeing instant changes in your life which will give you so much confidence about your ability to make any changes to your life that you need in order to have a better life- easily. The book was on loan and I no longer have it, I dont remember who wrote it either. I have done a little online search for this book and have not found it yet- ! will let you know if I find it. Its called Boundaries, but so far I have only found a book of the same topic and same name by a guy called Dr Henry Cloud - this is not the one that I read, but it might be good for you to get in Lieu of… If you can handle the Christian overtone. Ps I had a very bad upbringing - the worst kind. My longest relationship prior to this book was 1year. All of those relationships were traumatic most of the time. I met my current B/F a few months after reading this book, we have been together 11 years. We experience a lot of love, fun and enjoyment of each other, we express appreciation and gratitude towards each other daily, in a natural and uncontrived way. We feel safe. calm and loved. We talk easily about any ‘problems’ and it feels good to talk. We never fight or hurt each other and we don’t do much withdrawing from each other - only for a short time, if we need to sort out something inside ourself.

…well i dated this guy last year for like 10 months…everything was perfect…and then it started being all rocky…i dont think i was ready for that serious of a relationship..still i loved him so much it didnt matter… so you have to be prepared to work at it…dont hurt her…girls have complex emotions

relation ships can be hard you just av to work at them. its best just bein honest about ur feelings with her wot av u got to loose. if you dont tell each other how you feel its not gonna work. an you cheatin on her wouldent of helped she mght not trust u deep down inside. you have both just got 2 av a long talk about the things you are both worryied about an sort them out. no point of tellin us on here u need 2 b tellin her.

I am not sure those links to amazon posted correctly, so you may neeb to search for these titles yourself. Boundaries and Relationships: Knowing, Protecting and Enjoying the Self (Paperback) by Charles L. Whitfield (Author)

and Healing the Child Within: Discovery and Recovery for Adult Children of Dysfunctional Families (Paperback)