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How can I make him understand I don't care about the things he buys me?

My boyfriend seems to LOVE buying me things. He tells me it’s his way of showing me he loves me. He’s working at a department store as a receiver at the moment. His normal hours are 4AM to 12-1 PM. He’s able to pick his own hours, but he chooses to work those hours every day because he gets more hours when he can easily work normal hours (during the day instead of early in the morning). He does this because he wants to be able to buy me things and to treat me to things. I see, and know, how badly this is straining his body. He never has enough sleep and he’s always tired. I try my best to be understanding, I leave him alone to sleep. I tell him I don’t need the things he buys me, I do appreciate that he cares so much that he wants to himself, but I don’t need nor care for things like that, in fact, I’ve made it quite clear that I hate it when he spends a lot on me. Instead, I’d rather be able to ‘actually’ be able to spend more time, and more quality time with him without him passing out on me, or being extremely grumpy and ending with us fighting over something minor. It does put alot of strain on our relationship sometimes. He can’t seem to understand I don’t want those things and that I’d rather have him instead, and on top of that, I’m concerned about his own health. How can I make it clear?

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Answer #1

If he can’t be cooperative and adopt a better way of showing his love for you, other than the one thing you’ve come to dislike, then you need to make it abundantly clear that you don’t like what’s going on. I think we all know what happens if someone isn’t happy in a relationship… I hope he can come to terms with this behavior and that it’s a civil undertaking, not some big blow-up fight… Good Luck :D

Answer #2

how do you show your love for him? I think that may also come into question. He may be responding to you with some crazy compensating logic. Let him know what you love about him, and why. Maybe he wont think he needs to buy you stuff to make you love him. It takes transparency on both sides to come to a mutually beneficial conclusion.

Answer #3

Otherwise, break up with him and find someone who understands that beatles song “cant buy me love”

Answer #4

and no I didn’t just “drop a hint” lol :D

Answer #5

well I would tell him again how you feel and I would sit down and make it a serious conversation. Tell him he can show you he loves you by spending time with him. If you already had a real serious conversation like this maybe he is just working those hours for himself and he likes working at night and uses the hours and giving you gifts as an excuse.. i could be wrong

Answer #6

I wouldnt tell him you hate it that he spends a lot on you. It can be quite hurtful when you try to show someone you love them and have that person reject it because its not how they experience love. If thats how he likes to show his love, maybe you could tell him he could get you gifts that do not cost much, for example, he could make you cards and pick you wildflowers etc. And he also needs to understand that you prefer to show love by spending time with someone. Because he seems to like the gift giving, I would give him little gifts from time to time to make sure he knows you love him. Again, they dont have to be expensive because its really about the gesture, not how much it cost.

Answer #7

I’ve actually told him how much I appreciate it, and I’ve told him I’d rather he give gifts like the ones you mentioned -cards, letter, but he seems to ignore it.

Answer #8

It is hard to ‘make’ people understand things. You can tell a person something, and hope they care about you eough to want to understand and have empathy enough to change, but you cannot change another human being!!! In relationships we have to let our partners know our wishes, and let the chips fall. Then we get to decide what we are willing to accept about this person, and what we will not accept.

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