The Fight (A Poem)

Dude! That is kickass! Goes well with the Metallica I’m listing to!

now this truly is the best I’ve seen so far on funadvice. kick@ss, though it can use a bit of revising. Try broadening your vocabulary a bit so you don’t have to re-use words over(with the exception of the ones that are supposed be of coarse, such as the reframe, or if you choose to expose your theme in such away

This is a fight against life, against the pain, struggle, and strife.

I believe this stanza will sound better if you flip it though you would risk running the top line a tad long

You really don’t need a coma after and, however, it would sound better f you took that out The same with the first time you use it

You pushed me around And tried to burry me in the ground

You push me around Tried to burry me in the ground

Greatest sin/Greatest of sin

“Raw emotions pulse through my veins, and nothing tastes better than these pains.” Again, remove the and “Raw emotions pulse through my veins Nothing taste better than these pains”

and I believe can’t should be cannot

I am your love, your hate, You can not fight against fate

it gives it a bit more emphasis, a bit more power to your words

Revise it a bit It has quite the potential Well done 1_~