I guess. that some people have a religion.

like. im ok I guess. that some people have a religion. like that is tottaly normal…us humans have to believe in something…if not God, then… SaNtA, If not santa, then the MuFfIN man!!! HaHa right? so I do understand faith and all, But with my parents it has gotten to the point were its out of COnTrOL!!! correct me if im wrong!

. I feel dead. lifeless. lost . all of these negative feelings sadly posses me when I’m around them. I feel un-easy and insecure. I dont have anyone to talk to when im feeling down, or when I have a problem. because there only responses are you need to pray about it. or…ill pray for you… thats it. My siblings could care less. and I keep my distance from them as much as possible. because they are just like them…BrAiNwAsHeD. I would be what you would consider the black sheep of the family. the reason why I have not included myself into there meaningless practices is because I find them simply ubsurd. they say things like “we need to drink the lords blood and eat his body.” They pray things like…”oh lord wash me in your preciouse blood”. at church… all of the churchmembers address eachother as “brother” (males) and “sister” (females) and all together as a group, “SaInTs!!” I mean,,, I have a right to be FrEaKeD out … dont I? we have no t.v… no home phone, no internet…and no! haha its not because we are poor! … but that is not the main reason why I am writing this. thats not the origin of my unhappiness. its just that… my family has a problem with accepting me for who I realy am. The way I dress. The friends I have. The type of music that I listen to. things that excite me and pull in my interest. The things that make me laugh. has always been contradicted since EvErR! its gotten to the point that I have hidden feelings and thoughts bottled up inside and one day im going to ExpLoDe! every day when I go down stairs for school there always is some religious despute. I always end up in tears or just real YAnKed around. my self esteem is deteriorating. its has gotten to the point … that I just stay up in my room all day long. I dont say good night or good mourning to them anymore. I dont smile at them. and I dont look in their eyes. I despise every second when they are around me. the only time I go down stairs is to get something to eat. thats it. there always telling me what I am doing wrong… and how I am not “walking with the lord” I like to draw… and im in an ART institute. the Academy. I like drawing psychadelic and abstract art ,,things that dont make sence. everything I draw gets shredded by the judegment that my parents through at it. They dont realize that it comes from me.. my soul… it was ingraved in my head and I exposed it. well Last night things got pretty bad. I was drawing a picture for a contest… deformed babies. yes. in many people opinions thats F you C k E d up… I get it… not realy.. but WhAtEveR. MY PARENTS ACCUSED ME OF POSSESSING A DEMON IN ME! they said that satan was using me. They said that I drew the demons that were in me. I was offended. I sWEaR To F you C k I and G GOD,,, I DoNt Have nO DeMoNIC fOrCeS in mE!!! IT GOT OUT OF CONTROL. I dont even want to look back or get all descriptive with it. but it turned out that I left my house I slept in some bushes and I cried myself to sleep. my drawing that I worked 5 hours on was thrown out in the rain…and is drenched in water. I woke up at about three…and was like… F you C k IT!! so I snuck in my parents house and went to sleep in my bed…when I woke up… my parents were praying over me… holding hands… it was pretty fReAKy.!! I didnt know what to do. I have talked to some of my friends about it… but I just want to hear the opinions of those that do not know me… in a way… its more meaningfull to me.. IdONt knOw WhY… I caint realy explain it,, it just is.

my thoughts are that I should just leave… before I do something that I am going to regret ,to myself. drugs arent the answer… and I have already been throuugh all of that… but hey!!! it sure does help let you relax and forget S h I t for at least a little while. drugs arent the real concern for me right know… the problem is… what do I do now???… im trapped in this home… im not allowed to hang out with people “outside of the church” that includes my friends. I’ve grown so sick of this mental abuse that impacts me every day… im sick of staying up here in my room till school. hahaha! at least they have tought me to love school!! xD. NO BUT IM SERIOUS… I’ve been talking to some friends and… I need to move out as sooon as possible… if I dont… I would have allowed them to kill the real me… im not happy here. I love my parents… but they hurt me so… and I caint allow myself to deal with them anymore.its not fair for me… the only problem is that I am only 16. and I caint move out until 18. I did some research and I’ve learned. that you can move out if you go to court at my age… but I do not want to go through all of that trouble.., and expose my parents like that. I do care. and that is not even an option. so …HeLp??