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My poem check it out

Wrong catogory im soo sorry lol …this is my poem (called HIM)its a really old one but tell me nicly watcha thnk bout it=] Misery and pain affects him walking down the path.. of temptation His eyes are darkly-beautiful Its alive, speaking many things that cant be said for real. Living a past no man should have Trusts his head, while the heart sinks away sadly. Tall, Skinny cute and secsy his eyes look for, Never meaning a thing when he gets her. Knocking on big white doors, entering a place, wishing he could change. Worry comes along when he meets.. The girl from his dreams. Striving for perfection knowing shes the daughter of importance. Mistakend in front of her, knowing his life now has ended. Depressions the only emotion you see- a smile on him, will ONLY happen in your dreams! His friends make a circle , comforting him, for she is here. Many voices swirl around the girl For the atmosphere felt horrible. “is it what I think-can it be?!” Its like the razor blades are flying, chanting in his ears…

                             "use me!"
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Answer #1

I agree…very dark and powerful.

(It almost began to remind me on Jacob and Bella, in Breaking Dawn. Just a little.)

Answer #2

aw that was great :)

Answer #3

that was good with practice you will get a feel for the writing and it will come naturally…I can feel the emotion in this poem…definatly keep going you have a real talent…:) awww I love it

Answer #4

You don’t give yourself enough credit. I love this! =)

Answer #5

ditto^

Answer #6

Wow… That wasn’t pretty good! You have to keep writing cause you have a good talent in this. :)

Answer #7

srry! I Mistyped! I meant that it WAS pretty good!

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