Home More advice Love & Relationships
Ok this will get quite long. I met this man 15 years ago. We were both married but became really good friends. About five years into the friendship, he started to express an interest in something more. I never let it go any farther, I was happy with my husband and it was pretty innocent. He has had problems with his wife for sometime now but stays for his kids. My husband and I started having problems about six years ago and this is when the trouble started. I was ready to let this person in who wanted more from me for all these years. We started seeing more of each other and taking out kids places together and our spouses were completely aware of most of it. Fact is we started growing closer together and talked about taking the relationship to the next level. I know his wife well and know that the problems I was aware of were true. There was no physical relationship AT ALL and this was confirmed by her as well as him. We met several times alone and the friendship progressed to a more intimate stage. This is when I followed all advise and completely stopped seeing or talking to him. Wouldn't take phone calls, got rid of everything he ever gave me etc. For several years I had no contact with this man at all. He did continue to try to talk to me during this time but I was actually mean and cruel to him and it killed me to do it but I did. I tried to make my marriage work for the sake of my kids but that didn't happen. Husband was to busy putting everything else in life before his family and I had about enough. Combined with the fact that I could not get this other man out of my thoughts. He was constantly there and there was just a connection to him that I have not experienced before. So, after several YEARS of no contact I agreed to meet with him and it was almost instant. He missed me as much as I missed him. Things progressed much more quickly now. We started going on trips together, talking everyday and this eventually progressed to a physical relationship as well. He is my best friend, we make each other happy and are completely in love. I have divorced my husband but he is still with his wife. They have no physical relationship and she has health issues and they have kids and he cannot bring himself to leave. I understand the complications involved and have never asked him to leave. I know the stories about married men and I have done everything that was advised to end the relationship so please don't bash me. He makes it clear everyday how much he loves me. Recently I spoke to someone that was the victim of the other woman and her husband left so I got the chance to see it from the other side of the coin. I do not want to do this to someones family but I do not want to hurt my best friend either. He is just such a huge part of my life and helps me so much that I just don't know what to do..."if you love something set it free" is much easier said then done.
Dear vegasmom, Your story is indeed a sad one but not an unusual one. What isn't unusual is that one of the people involved has stayed married. That is your RED FLAG. You were unable to mend your marriage so you moved on. I understand he feels obligated to stay in his marriage because of her health but not obligated enough to to either be totally committed or to be totally honest and make sure she is taken care of but move on with his life. Either way he isn't be honest with you or her or perhaps himself either. Morally I think you know that he has to make a decision but he can't have both. That is of course you let him and then you are just being used. You were able to stay away for several years, I suggest you do that same again and seek out counselling. They will give you some way to deal with this and make you strong enough to say no to him. He no doubt needs counselling and doesn't have to go through this without help. He has not taken care of his life yet so he isn't able to share it fully with you. Do not settle for less. Sue...good luck
