I need help but can't talk to someone...

I know exactly what you’re going through and what it is is depression. I was diagnosed at my mother’s insistance about a month ago and I have an appointment with a psychiatrist so I can be prescribed something. I am absolutely terrified and I have never ever EVER wanted anyone to know and I never wanted to see anyone but I know in the long run this is a good thing and it will help. For a while now I’ve been breaking the small promises I’ve made to myself like “I will never even consider killing myself”, “I will never cut myself” and I think over time you will too. I’ve been struggling with this sickness for over five years and I know within myself that it’s time I gave up hoping I’d get over it alone and get some help. Really, I think if you really look at yourself you’ll realize that this is the problem and that you do need help. It’s taken me five long years of pain and self hatred to even acknowledge the fact that I do need help and I really do wish that you would spare yourself that. And please remember, depression medication is not evil, it will not turn you into a zombie and it is not bad for you. Depression is a chemical imbalance in your brain and the medication once properly prescribed will help you re-balance those chemicals and all together make you feel that much better. You cannot get addicted to these as they’re just like fish oil or calcium replacement tablets, they help you gain what you’ve lost or what you’re missing out on. Please, get help. I know it is so hard to talk to someone and I got an easy out as my mum surprised me and spoke to the doctor about my depression when I went there because I had a cold. I was fighting within myself to try and get myself to speak to someone because I knew I couldnt last much longer. I suffered for so long in so much pain trying to speak up but I just could not bring myself to do it. But please, save yourself the pain and speak to someone because without help you might end up doing something very drastic and extremely final. You only get one shot at life, please dont spend yours hidden away too scared to speak up and get some help.