How do you give your older children advice, without them getting mad at you?

As a child that gets mad at my moms advice still at 21 theres more comfort in knowing that she understands where im coming from and knowing that i need to vent and when she gets upset that im venting i shut down giving advice is nice but listening is even better if shes been in the same situation i like to know but sometimes you half to pick and chosse certain words kuz its very easy to make them feal judged

You make sure you listen, and understand their point of view on situations… and when you give them advice, try not to sound like you are telling them what to do, or what’s going to happen, etc…

Use a calm and caring voice instead of a stern “in charge” voice, and tell them how you feel without being pushy. Let them know you are just concerned.

Ask them if it is ok for you to share your thoughts with them rather then saying it in a tone which will seem as if you were judging them or putting them down.

My mother til this very day always shoves her advice(which are merely her opinions on how things are supposed to be in her eyes, which s more like criticizing me rather then asking me if I am even willing to hear her opinion in the first place.

If you are going to start off by saying look, that right there is a talk down…try starting it as I mentioned…”Can I, May I, Is it ok if…then continue….that shows them you care enough to ask them if they are ready for your advice. That right there will be a way for you to get in without making them feel like you are going to come down on them or crucify them for something once again. Once you change that attitude then the rest will seem like a walk in the park & then they wont feel as if you’re about to attack rather then speak from the heart. Makes all the difference.

Hope this helps. G/L

To reach that level, parents need to build up relationship since the very beginning. Many parents find it difficult to really TALK with their kids since they keep on screaming and yelling when they speak to them. For older kids, screaming and yelling do not work. They do not listen. However, it is never too late. You can start up the communication. Maybe in one time, you can have lunch, juts two of you. Pay a close attention on what topic they like to talk, what items are interesting for them to have etc. When we are psychologically close to them, we can talk to them about anything, almost anything. If We respect them, they will listen to us. :-)

If they have a problem, ask them about it, find out whether they also think it is a problem. Understand their point of view first.

Ask them whether they want advice, help them if they want help.

If they reject your help and advice, tell them that you have a feeling something is going wrong and tell them what problem/difficulty you see. And then tell them what you would try to do in their situation.

It is better to say: I believe this style could seem provoking to some of your teachers. Are you sure you want to wear this in school? I hear some teachers are rather conservative…

Instead of: I advice you to go upstairs NOW and get a shirt that does NOT show your belly button, young lady!!!

true…I agree…but with that said if you are going to pay them a compliment which is supposed to make them feel good about themselves but add the words, you look beautiful, but I dont like your make up & add you need to change that perfume, in the same sentence…I mean…how can you expect them to not get p!ssed sh!tless…seriously! Expect a compliment back, like I love you too mother, have I mentioned how much I really hate your new hair do & that perfume you wear really stinks! (If you get offended by that just imagine how she felt when you said to her.) :( sad but true…