Funadvice Logo
Explore Join
More Art, Writing & Literature Questions

another poem dont copy!!!

people hurt me they use me the torcher me make fun of me laugh at me I hide my tears as they

hurt my soal deep inside my dusted sand heart at the end of the day all I do is cry and cry and cry and do stupid things until I fall over crying myself to sleep as the blood runs down my arms I feel light

and I dream about flying away and then I never wake up I die a slowly painless death as people talk about me I walk threw the halls their silent and quite nobody talks not even

a wisper nothing pure silence finally time for me to go home and rest…

Become an Expert →
Answer #1

I think epic_fail was bein a lil harsh its not horrible…however I do agree that your sentences are blending togather your cutting them off at the wrong time. but you need to use more similes and metefores in your writing. spelling can always be fixed its not a big deal. like with poetry your painting a picture with words and I see what your painting but I see it to clearly. I mean you should juss tell the reader what your saying you have to discribe ever detail for example…when you say..they tourcher me…u could have said, the pain they give me from their taunting and dispicable remarks gives me pain beyond words, it runs so deep my only hope is to escape to my home and rest in where there is only me, myself, and I. you noe wati mean? then you could reinstate it at the end…but I would also like to see your poem again if you choose to rewrite it.

Answer #2

I think its goood!!!

Answer #3

it needs a lot of work. It’s riddled with spelling mistakes and the poem has no real structure, the sentences all blended in with one another or stop and begun in no particular order.

Id like to read it again after you fixed these problems.

Answer #4

I think it’s good its deep and poems shuudnt have walls epic_fail

More Like This
Ask an advisor one-on-one!
Advisor

Diamond Nail Supplies

Nail Supplies, Beauty Essentials, Salon Equipment

Advisor

Shopnobilap

Literature, Online Publishing, Community

Advisor

Silverhints

Poetry, Shayari, Ghazal