After I lost the love of my life I gave up

My ex and I were together for over 2 years. It ended fall of 2003 when she broke up with me via email and phone from Japan. She broke up with me since we lived too far apart and didn’t see each other often. She told me that she didn’t love me anymore since she did not see me for so long. It had been about 7 months since she flew to the US to see me. I would have taken another trip to Japan again if I had the cash at the time.

5 years later…

I’ve given up on life and relationships. I can’t be happy with anyone else, and whoever wants to be with me I don’t feel the same. All I want is my ex, whom I know I can never have again. Even though I try not to think about her, time to time she pops up in my head, and I’ll have reoccuring dreams of going to Japan and then either not seeing her or being rejected by her in my dream. I kinda want to go to Japan again by myself someday.

It hurts so bad sometimes to think about her, and after 5 years I am so surprised I still can cry about it anymore after so long. The first year after she broke up with me I think I cried just about every other night. Anyway, I’ve grown so jaded, detached, and become a hermit from my learned helplessness, depression, and I just don’t see a point in trying to be happy if I can’t be. I know I’ve fucked my life up over this, but I think it’s too late and I’ve already been mentally scarred really badly. I have had a quite a few flings since her but they all end really badly, and now I just keep to myself and don’t even try. I think it’s been like a year. I don’t think I’m able to ever love anyone again.

Any help would be most appreciated. Thanks