Why does sex make relationships so weird?

Well, where to start?

I had an affair with a married man. Go ahead, get your judgements out right now. But we didn’t go seeking out an affair, we fell in love and it just happened. You’re not in the situation I’m in and I did it for my own personal reasons.

Now I can’t help wondering if he would make me happier than my husband. My lover, we’ll call him Luke, connects with me so well. But now I’m wondering if having sex was the worst thing we could have done for our relationship. Things got weird afterwards. We still love each other a lot and connect very well. But now I’m questioning & analyzing everything that he does. And he gets pissed off if I ask questions like: “Do you think you would be happier with me?” or “Do you wish you had met me first?” he gets upset. He would tell me these things before we had sex–freely & I just want to know if they are still true. After we had sex, he doesn’t talk about how he feels much anymore. If I bring up the fact that he doesn’t tell me much, he gets upset and yells: “I’ve told you more than I’ve even told my own wife!!!”

And he seems to be spending more time with her than he did before and less time with me. He says he loves his wife and is happy but I beg to differ. A man that spends almost all his available time online talking to me isn’t all that happy. He’s even sneaking in ways to be online when she’s home too. And the strange thing is we’ve always had a “complete honesty” deal with each other. But now when I share how I feel, he accuses me of jumping to conclusions or analyzing everything and gets upset with me. And he doesn’t want to talk about it either.

The strangest thing, is that I’m not really a jealous person at all. But I find myself being extremely jealous of his wife. I’m jealous that she gets to spend time with him, she gets to see him every day, she gets to have sex with him any time she wants, & go on vacations with him. And I’m jealous that she gets to live the life that I want–with him. But yet I’m not entirely sure I want to leave my husband either. Well, I would if it wouldn’t hurt him.

So what is it about sex that makes relationships so weird? Why can’t we go back to how we were before? Why do girls get weird and guys stop sharing? He assures me that he still loves me just as much so why is he being so secretive now? The only time I can get him to open up is get him drunk.

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Answer #1

Well for a start, hes gonna spend more time with his wife than he is with you because hes her husband! Don’t you think it might be a bit strange if it was the other way round! He also needs to decide who he wants to be with, obviously if hes unsure then its gonna be hard for him to justify leaving his wife. Being jealous is going to get you nowhere, al the things he does with his wife are bound to happen so get over it! You also need to be completely sure that you’d rather be with this other man over your husband, it will cause a lot of hurt if you do decide you’d be happier with this luke guy. The other thing is, something is clearly wrong if the only way to get him to talk is to get him drunk, you need to sort it out and be very clear what you want, and what you are actually prepared to do, Hope that helps a little

Answer #2

We have gotten together–just for lunch or to go to the movies where there isn’t any sex at all involved. Not even kissing. He continues to want to do these things with me, even when he knows that no sex will be involved.

Answer #3

Also, I’ve brought up the “just sex” thing with him and he gets very offended and says that that is hurtful. He has flat out said it’s not just sex with him.

Answer #4

in my opinion he wants sex with NO strings! he has a wife he loves, but probably wasnt getting the attention he needed so he went outside of the marriage to get it. He got it, and realizes how much he truly does love his wife

Answer #5

Sorry, but there isnt a guy out there thats gonna admit its JUST the sex!! At least not to a girls face! Guys tend to say things we girls want to hear. Sex with no strings doesnt involved no talking! Of course hes still gonna talk! Why else do guys go outside the marriage if it wasnt for sex? I still think hes feeling guilty! Try something on him once, but dont let on to him>If and when you do get together again; hold off on the sex, and see what happens! See if its YOU he wants, or if its just the sex! I think you’ll have your answer!

Answer #6

Sex with no strings attached was sort of how it started out but HE convinced me to let my guard down and HE fell in love with me first. And if he wanted sex with no strings attached then why does he keep talking to me even when I try to let him go? I don’t think it’s as simple as NO strings sex. Besides, we’ve always been honest with each other and if that’s what he wanted, he would have told me.

Answer #7

About a few weeks. But I got a little weird on him. LOL I went through a period where I seriously lamented the fact that I couldn’t be with him and that made me act a little weird. I think that’s what made him shut down with him. But now he’s opening up a bit more but I still feel like I can’t ask him the questions that I’m burning to ask. He has said he has had similar thoughts to mine: “Can she make me happier than my spouse” or when he’s out doing things with her he’ll think how much more fun it would be if he were with me. So I don’t know. Maybe he’s going through the same thing I am but isn’t as vocal about it as I am.

Answer #8

:) finally you have got a good lover, and you pay for this with an intolerable yammering. Terrible.

Answer #9

EDIT (dont talk on aim and try and post answers at the same time) loves his wife! Hes probably feeling guilty about things now!

Answer #10

Ok, so then how long after you started having sex did you started noticing changes with him?

Why does sex make relationships so weird?

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