When I tried to turn my friend into my girlfriend?

I’m 15, and I have been good friends with a girl my age for about a year or so. The thing to note about me is that 1, I’m a game lover 2, I’m usually a loner.

I have a pretty weird relationship with this girl , usually we don’t talk at all during school, if we do, its often brief, and amongst a lot of her friends.

I’m in the general hangout group of her’s, so I see her everyday. I’m a shy guy, yet a comedian, so I usually do stupid things to get attention, and I act normally upbeat and hyper.

We play the same online game or rather, we both started at around the same time. I’ll explain later why this is important.

We had known each other since 7th grade, but it wasn’t until this year that I began to actually know her. We would chat online for hours. She even would webcam with me, and we would talk not just about games, but how life went, homework, etc. In conclusion, we were friends other than we didn’t act like it in public.

Now, for those who are not familiar, in some games, you can marry, if I am correct. I know perfectly well some people do it for fun, as friends just for the benefits, or just for fun. What was so intriguing was that it wasn’t me who asked about this, it was her. I naturally said yes, no questions asked.

I think this is when I started to assume that she liked me more than a friend. And at that time, I had never been in a relationship before, nor knew how it was like. I was, in other words, very inexperienced. This incident happened shortly before November.

The annual end-of-year dance, Frolic, was coming up. I had never gone to any dance with the serious intent to dance, let alone with a girl. But in the end, I chanced my luck and asked her - and to my disbelief, she said yes.

So far, you probably would be wondering why I’m giving away so much information. It’s because I have made wrong assumptions, or I think I have. And this finally led to me coming to the conclusion of, aha, maybe I should start acting as a boyfriend to her.

After the break, and as school started again, I would follow her as much as I could. Online, I would spend hours scrounging up items for her, which she usually would turn down. I would make excuses to bump into her. I knew I shouldn’t have, but I began to touch her lightly on the shoulder whenever I saw her, and pat her on the back. And everything she said, online or in public, I began to pay close attention too. I became, as you may say, utterly obsessed over her. I would go emo every time I thought I didn’t get attention.

I started to notice a change. She wouldn’t talk to me as often. Online, she usually wouldn’t initiate a conversation, and in-game, she started to get annoyed every time I got her stuff. And above all, she got angry when I went emo. Our chats got shorter.

Finally, I broke down, and wore my emo face all over the place in hopes of getting her attention. That same day, she also broke down. She was sick and tired of me, as she mentioned to her friends, of me going emo over everything she said. And, me being unaware, and attempting to start a conversation with her online, she accused me of assuming everything. She told me that she didn’t want any more, and there was to be “no more until it’s time.”

From then on, I tried to apologize. I decided to be a man and talk to her facetoface, as we had never spoken about this other than online, and briefly.

She refused to talk to me. So I apologized to her online, and admitted my faults, and told her that I made a mistake in assuming she liked me.

But, I still love her. And I have no idea what to do. To make things worse, even though we are now somewhat back to normal, I know things between us will never be the same.

I just want to know if anyone else has encountered the same problem - where they tried to get a friend to become their girl or boy friend, and failed, and ended up like me, and what they did. And I really need help, as for now, I feel pain every time I see her. When we chat, there are awkward silences. When I see her, I can’t bring myself to look at her. And I even find myself wondering why I even dared to try this. Please, even if you never had the same problem, I need help with getting over this.