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What's wrong with me- am I becoming a paedophile? Please, please help me, I'm so scared.

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This is a really serious issue to me and I've been utterly torn up about it. Of the ones who know, my friends, my family, even my school counsellor (I’m 16) refuse to accept that I have an actual issue because they know me and only see the best. Please, please help me.

I’ve omitted all the small details and tried to keep it short, but it’s all important.

I have a major crush- my first- on a 12yo actress, Dafne Keen (known for playing Laura in Logan). Her smile lights up my world. To spend even a day with her, just to befriend her, I would do- give- almost anything- from break bones to paying every penny I’ve ever saved. When it started, it was purely the feeling of protectiveness I had- I wanted to dive through the screen and hold her in my arms, so tight. No sexual thoughts. But as time progressed it grew. It was still just the concept of being her friend that appealed, but then my fantasies turned to romance. Softcore erotica. I began to stalk her online. Her parents are very protective, so there’s very, very little online about her, but I’ve still seen probably 95% of everything available. All the way, I hated myself for it.

I was disgusted and scared. I researched everything on the internet about paedophilia- from why it occurs, to the laws on it, to rehab groups. One particular article hit me: https://www.google.co.uk/amp/www.spiegel.de/international/spiegel/therapy-for-pedophilia-i-hate-my-desires-they-make-me-sick-a-441199-amp.html An extract: "The same images kept dominating his fantasies: Images of pre-pubescent girls who want to cuddle him, girls he caresses and kisses -- but without violence and without penetration, as he insists on emphasizing." This was- is- me. Now. Two months later. I can't tell you how terrifying it is to be able to relate to a paedophile who must take prostate cancer drugs to live a normal life, even then being a recluse. Granted, Dafne was the first and the only. I was assured I would be fine, that it was just hormones, that it was natural. I relaxed.

But I realised that the reason I was so initially protective was because she played a vulnerable child. I've since grown to love and admire her for so much more than that- her talent, her smile, her personality- but this trigger sense is not something I can overcome. I say this because I realised that now, Dafne is not the only one.

I watched Stranger Things recently, and all I wanted to do was hug El (13yo actress Millie Bobby Brown- 11yo when it was shot) and keep her safe. It’s starting all over again.

Now that there's a pattern any confidence and security I once had is gone. I proves that none of this is one-off, as I was told. My attraction to people so young is explainable- I'm insecure and I need power in my life. Having someone below me might give me that sense of self-worth I lack- I'm pretty insecure. But that by no means justifies it. I would never act on these impulses but I can’t live my life fighting these feelings every day. I don’t know if childish features appeal to me- I don’t really objectify people- but regardless, they can only enforce the vulnerability I get drawn to.

What's wrong with me? Where can I get help?