How to get people to realize I'm not fine?

I dont think you just have clinical depression…

I wont presume to diagnose you, but you may have bipolar disorde or paranoid schizophrenia with depression or maybe something else , either way it sounds like there is something actually biologically wrong (as in I dont think therapy alone is going to work) and you may need to see a psychiatrist. Now they are not my favorite people in the world and I can sympathize with you if you dont want to be on medication, but honestly medication does help a lot of people…

The cutting and eating disorder seem to be symptoms of a bigger problem and until you get that resolved you’ll probably end up substituting them with something equally as destructive… or you may just never stop until whatever is wrong is fixed…

You need to come clean with your therapist or get a new one… Its not easy, telling her, but you know you just do it… look at the floor, look at the ceiling, write it in a letter, ask someone to tell her for you, however you do it, its important that you do…and I know its hard to talk to some stranger about your problems, and you wonder what they’re thinking of you, or whatever, I just didnt want to be “crazy”, but that’s what they’re there for, to listen. And honestly, they have to be nonjudgemental, or they couldnt do the work they do…

If you’re having issues with your therapist, switch… If she freaks out at the fact you cut (and some of them do, or make you sign a contract not to cut, which is utterly stupid, when has a piece of paper stopped a person from doing anything?) then you need to find someone else who can deal with it…

Also, dont get frustrated with the therapy process… You have a lot to deal with, and sometimes that takes time to work out, you need to figure out the root cause of what’s wrong, and then work on that, work on better coping tools (cutting not necessarily the best one…) as well as just other things that come up with life… its not easy, but if you find a therapist who realizes that there will be setbacks, and you are not going to stop cutting or the purging/binging today, then you will get better…

DBT is really great, its a form of therapy that is kind of done along with regular therapy, and its either in group or individual. It was orginally formed to be used with people with borderline personality disorder, but they now realize it helps cutters… It kinda teaches you to deal a little bit better, and some of it will seem a little irrelevant, but some of it may help…

Again, I honestly think this is partly organic, and you may need meds, atleast you will be able to get help for the insomnia…

Your mother may just be in denial… if you dont have someone else to go to, then you or someone else needs to sit her down and tell her that things are bad, and you need help. You dont need to give her details, but you need to make sure she gets how serious this is, and she gets you the help you need.

(I dont mean to sound all doom and end of the world, but I’ve been there, and you dont want it to get to the point where you end up locked up in the mental ward, they’re not fun places…)